A World Without Engineers

Essay by Brian BeattieHigh School, 12th gradeA-, October 1996

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Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, on the planet Zovirax, there was an evil king, King Syphilis, who was mighty pleased with himself, for he had just banished all the engineers on the planet to work in the Pixie Stick Powder mines on the moons of Gluteus. 'You see,' he told his sycophantic servants and lackeys, 'I have solved two problems with one simple executive order. I have rid the planet of those annoying, nerdy, know-it-all, engineers.' (King Syphilis was actually quite envious of them, because he went to a Junior University in Palo Alto, and didn't know very much at all.) 'And secondly,' he explained, 'I have provided cheap slave labor for the Pixie Stick Powder mines, thus ensuring a limitless supply of this heavenly confection for all to enjoy.'

All of King Syphilis' staff applauded loudly, because he tended to behead

those who didn't.

'Bring us intoxicating chemicals, so that we may celebrate,' ordered the king.

'I'm sorry, Mr. King Syphilis,' replied the servant. 'You banished all the chemical engineers to the powder mines, so we cannot make the intoxicating chemicals anymore.'

King Syphilis was quite mad. Nobody talked back to him and go away with it. 'Bring me my plutonium phasor gun, so that I may vaporize this impudent guy,' ordered the king.

'I'm sorry, my good King Syphilis,' replied another servant. 'Since you deported all the nuclear engineers to the powder mines, we have been unable to operate the plutonium powered phasor gun.'

Now the king was really mad. 'I'm really mad!' said the king. 'Bring me my

limousine, so that I may repeatedly run over these contumelious servants of mine.'

'No can do, Mr. King,' said the third servant, whose part will be played in the movie version by Keanu...