User Details For: MrMystery

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  • Needs clarification

    You give a fairly biased view because you do not make reference to successes achieved by the policy, and East/West as well as town/city deserves more reference. Moreover, you provide a lot of anti-1child policy arguments, which is fine, but you do not string these together properly in a conclusion to actually argue whether or not the policy has been successful.However, it is very clearly and concisely written. I greatly enjoyed reading this as a little revision for my work on China!
    • 29/11/2004
    • 09:46:04
    • Score: 16 out of 17 people found this comment useful.
  • Good basics

    Very skeleteon however. You need to talk about WHY markets reach an equilibrium price and quantity, and what happens in a situation where there is excess supply or excess demand.
    • 25/11/2004
    • 09:48:07
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Careful.

    "a great testament to the vitality, strength and flexibility of the American democracy to have been able to adapt to such a change."You have got to be careful of the trap of falling into completely over-the-top American Nationalism. Saying that the AMerican democracy is strong, flexible and has vitality because of enternig the war is pushing it and there are many holes I can pull in that. Just be careful- it may be a typical American attitude to take, but it still makes a good essay look very biased.
    • 07/10/2004
    • 13:56:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Remembernig english from earlier years of school....

    The first and last sentences of your first paragraph need to be split into two."The children rattle off with such exuberance and enthusiasm all the horrendous and exciting stuff"The words "rattle off" and "stuff" are not appropriate here and ruin the tone. Excuberance and enthusiasm, nice idea but not really too suitable a pair of words.Being picky, the words "sizzling meat" don't seem too appropriate... but then maybe I just despise them as I am a vegetarian.Very nice though, it brings some good imagery to the mind good job.
    • 07/10/2004
    • 13:53:24
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Interesting essay

    Interesting essay- however it is I believe worth mentioning things like more specifically what an Aryan is (a race of people decending from the Western Europe area- Britani is mostly Aryan). You also missed out some other key groups who were persecuted such as homosexuals.You have to be careful when stating how many people died in the holocaust: estimates vary, and your 11million seems a little on the low side compared to many others who rate it as high as 16million, but I still think the 11million is more correct, but oh well. It is also worth bringing home and quantifying the number of Jews who were killed- of up to 16million killed in the holocaust, only up to 6million (well under half) were Jews.Overall a well written essay.
    • 07/10/2004
    • 13:42:48
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good points made

    Some interesting points made showing good thought, but your writing could be drastically improved in some ways:1) Use a proper introduction to set the scene and perhaps provide a VERY brief overview of the issue: not to make points. If you do it makes your essay seem confused.2) Your are lacking structure which makes the essay fairly hard to use. Stick very much to a system of Introduction, point1, point2, point3 etc. etc. Conclusion. It makes what you are saying so much clearer, and makes it easier to write also.3) Have a proper conclusions where you sum up the arguments and give your opinion; and overview of the matter. It makes your work much more convincing, consolidating what you have said is absolutely vital.4) Much of what you say is based on YOUR experiences. Do try and generalise this. Rather than say "I got tired of people picking on me" for example say "Remarks made on clothing can be deeply stressful for students who get bullied as a result of their clothing". By all means mention that you have experienced this yourself, do distance yourself from the issue and use "you" or "one" rather than "I": it makes your work that much more convincing.
    • 05/10/2004
    • 13:08:15
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Interesting

    An extremely interesting proposal; however I certainly do doubt the likelihood of this being true to any recognisable extent.
    • 29/02/2004
    • 07:36:58
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.