After reading your essay, I felt somewhat unsatisifed and disappointed. The topic is fascinating and could make a marvelous essay, but the way you structured it made it seem dull and confusing. The most irritating problem I found with your essay was that you never explained any of your impacts. You would present the reader with an idea, and then leave them hanging, wandering off to a new topic, and never picking up the thread of the former subject which you only introduced and never carried through.Your writing style is highly interesting, especially your incorporation of slang into this essay. However, it seemed out of place at times, and I would remove the \"screw yous\" from it because it ruins the readers appreciation of the text.Your introduction surprised me, and I would find it more appeasing if you were to more smoothly introduce the reader to the topic, rather than throwing them headfirst into the subject, causing them to be confused throughout the rest of the piece.If I were you, I would also re-edit this essay and fix the grammatical errors strewn throughout it (the slang really does get too heavy sometimes)This essay promises to be an interesting work, but you really must make sure you logically incorporate all your ideas into the essay so that there are not bits of extraneous information hanging around that only serve to confuse the reader. Once you achieve this, the essay will undoubtedly be an enjoyable piece of writing.
- 26/04/2004
- 23:04:55
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.