User Details For: servantsimon

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  • Hope you don't mind editing...

    Chapter 1Odd beginningsA mildly skinny but strong man with a dark-age sword stood on the peak of a hill next to the calm clyan, or town, looking over it as he watched the sun set. It was the most beautiful and peaceful scene Calithar Harlen had ever layed eyes upon. That is because Calithar is a treyener, or city person. "Well, hopefully war will not find me here." He then got on his hover bike and sped down the hill. 50MPH...100MPH...150MPH...200MPH...STOP!!! The brakes activated but not in time. He hit the front end of a truck, then struck his right arm upon a street post, and went through a window; hitting the wall inside, he broke practically all of the rest of the bones in his body. "Oh, God, that kills...oh go- who are y- DON'T TOUCH MY ARM!!! AHHHHHHH STO-" Calithar lapsed into a coma due to the pain and blood loss. Standing over him was a man with hazel eyes and distinguised salt-and-pepper hair. (I would lose the last sentence entirely.)Please tell me if I have offended, or if this is simply not the sort of help you wanted. If, on the other hand, you would appriciate such help, I will edit chapter-by-chapter as I find time.My respects,Simon.
    • 26/05/2004
    • 22:38:20
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.