This is a satire newsletter. The theme is over exagerated beauty pageants.

Essay by purplepeopleeaterCollege, UndergraduateA, April 2003

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Hi there Texas Beauty Pageant moms,

First, congratulations to Kailly Jameson. Kailly was crowned Miss Fun Texas last week, it was her 29th crown since her mom entered her in "Little Yellow Rose" when she was just 11/2. Good luck on #30 Kailly!

As you know, the pageant season will be starting in just two months. This leaves little time for preparation, moms! So, just a few reminders.


The entrance fee for the first pageant is $500.00, and is due in two weeks. For all of the 30 remaining pageants, the fee will be $250.00, payable two weeks before "costuming."

*No credit cards, or personal checks please. Only cash or your next born will be accepted as payment.*


All costumes must be O.K.ed by the Pageants of Texas Committee. Please make sure you have this done at least one month before rehearsal, so that if your daughter needs alterations they will be finished in time for her act.

Most of the girls will need this service because of dramatic weight loses during this time of the year.

Now, onto the fun stuff! The Pageants of Texas Committee has instituted a Summer Camp. I highly recommend that you send your daughter, you will wish they had done this sooner, I promise! Camp activities and workshops will include:

-Exercise programs that each girl will begin their morning off with. This will certainly burn off any calories from yesterday's breakfast!

-Daily hikes, 10-mile walks to the steam room across the lake.

-Dance-a-thons, Your daughter will dance for hours. Great fun and exercise.

And, what would beauty camp be without beauty advice?

Your beautiful daughter will learn how to make herself even more glamorous. Workshops offered:

-Make-yourself-over, You won't recognize her when she comes home with bigger, blonder hair and...