YOU?RE IN MY BODY!
So I was sitting at this sidewalk cafe when this bald guy, quite big, sits down across from me, unscrews the top of the salt shaker and delicately dumps a third of the salt in my coffee.
Delicately? Oh, I mean it was a controlled gesture. He was really controlled, that was one of my first impressions, but a bit too controlled, if you know what I mean. Like he needed control, needed to have a grip on himself, and there's no telling what might go down if he didn't have it.
"Well?" he said, glaring at me.
"Is there a problem?" I said.
This wasn't pleasant, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't too worried. Not at that stage. I mean, it was broad daylight, an up market area, people walking by, and a cop on the corner - what could go wrong?
"You're in my body," he said.
"Pardon?" I said.
"That's my body you're in. I want it back."
He was totally serious, but I couldn't see his logic. He was a few years younger than me, more muscular, a little taller. What could he possibly want with my body, which is a bit on the weedy side?
"I'm not going to mess around," he said. "Out, now!"
Then he lunged across the table, grabbed my head with his hands and breathed fiercely into my nose. It was terrifying and disgusting at one and the same time. I was sure he was going to bite my nose off.
Then I felt myself releasing from my body, blinking into nowhere, and that's when I understood the bottom line. He wasn't proposing a swap, my body for his. Oh no. He was going to annihilate me. I was going to be gone, my vacant...