You did an excellent job on this essay. It was systematic and thoroughly informative. You captured both the history and current trends of organized religion in a concise and thoughtful way.
- 10/03/2009
- 17:50:49
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
While I can see why you chose to present deism and romanticism as two diametrically opposing viewpoints to bring out the specific qualities of each, many people fall in between these two view points. You stated, "[Romantics believe] there is no eternal afterlife because god is present through the eyes of the people, and nature that surround us." There are many people who believe that God created his creation to directly interact with it on a daily basis through many mediums: love of friends, beauty of nature, direct whispering of his love and direction to our souls to name a few. Those same people also believe in an afterlife and that our spirits are eternal. Those same people can also believe in a hell for those who choose to be separated from God because their pride will not allow them to submit to that same loving God and thereby separate themselves from him.While the juxtaposition of these viewpoints is interesting and can be helpful, I wanted to point out that the tenets of those viewpoints as you laid them out are not exclusive. Good job on the essay!
- 25/02/2009
- 18:37:31
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I like the premise of this assignment, but your description of this invented state doesn't grab the reader's attention. Your essay is also filled with poor grammar and statements that don't make that much sense. Take this quote, "The sun symbolizes the theological approach that the state has promise to uphold among the conditions of joining the nation." What does that mean?You made an obvious attempt at this assignment, and you did give a faint idea of the history of this state, but you would have greatly improved your essay by proof-reading it to correct your grammatical errors and add clarity.
- 25/02/2009
- 18:12:55
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Overall a decent essay. You stay on topic for the most part, though not completely. There are some grammatically incorrect sentences. For example, the first sentence in the second paragraph. "In our days most of young people after school are going to college." The preposition "of" is unnecessary. Perhaps a better way to write the whole sentence would have been, "In our day and age, most young people will be going to college after school."The last paragraph is a little unclear as well, but overall the essay is informative. I'm also curious, what country are you from?
- 18/02/2009
- 00:29:43
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This is a very impressive paper. You took a position and argued it perfectly, though I see you didn't really acknowledge some of the controversy concerning the right way to uphold the rights of all individuals. The unique challenge to this approach to justice is that it depends almost entirely on the Judicial branch to make the "right" decision on matters that aren't well defined legally. This can lead to a court system based on personal ideology rather than on interpretation of already existing law. Admittedly, the court must make decisions in areas where the law is ambiguous, but it must be careful to stay clear of attempting to change the law or force social change through wild interpretations of already ambiguous laws. This leads to the hyper-politicizing of the judicial system that often exists in the United States.However, it is undeniable that identical treatment is not always justice as you eloquently point out in your essay. Good job.
- 17/02/2009
- 19:02:23
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
I thought the essay was informative and organized well. Unfortunately, there were quite a few grammar errors that could be distracting. I mostly noticed in many sentences your subject and verb did not agree, usually because you mixed singular subjects with plural verbs or vice versa.For example, in the second sentence of the first paragraph, you write, "It occurs when a person have experienced a traumatic event." The proper subject-verb combination would be "when a person has experienced"(singular) or "when people have experienced"(plural). You repeat this error several times.Along with many subjects and verbs that don't agree, you have some prepositions and auxiliary verbs missing throughout your essay. Your last sentence is also a run-on sentence.Your research was well done and you arranged it well, but the grammar errors became very distracting and greatly detracted from your overall work.
- 17/02/2009
- 18:35:38
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your topic was very interesting and you obviously did some research on the litigation and rulings concerning your topic.I do think you could have fleshed out your position a little more on affirmative action. You decided to take a position in your opening by stating "Affirmative action is unfair and unjust to society and there needs to be a way to slowly bring everyone together as an equal race and make affirmative action come to an end" but then went on to simply lay out information about affirmative action with little regard for your position. In your conclusion, you simply say that it will always be around as long as "people put tension in relationships". You didn't use the information in the essay to prove or disprove your position.As an informational essay you did a very good job. However, I would have either made it a strictly informational essay or better supported my position.
- 16/02/2009
- 22:52:57
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.