I was born in rural Kentucky and moved to Virginia at about the age of 8. Since Virginia borders Kentucky, my family often made trips back to visit our relatives. When I was 14, sometime around fall break, it was time to go to visit the grandparents and cousins as usual, but my mom was very sick and my dad had to stay and nurse her, so I went alone with my older brother (18). We were there for about a week, and during our stay we heard about the annual Wooly Worm Festival that is held regularly in Beattyville, about an hour away from our grandparents' house. A bunch of people actually get together and race wooly worms every year. Out of curiosity, because it sounded like such a bizarre event, my brother and I decided to drive to the festival and see what it was all about.
Piercing guns, like this one with its plastic, non...
English: Harris County Juvenile Detention Center
Adapted from Wikipedia's KY county maps by Seth Il...This decision would ultimately ruin my life. When we arrived there, a bunch of stands were set up where wooly worm vendors attempted to sell us their worms for a couple of bucks. "This here one's really fast, a sure winner" etc. Bullshit like that. They had obviously just picked up the little bastards from nearby trees. Half of them looked diseased and were pooping on each other. While my brother and I were looking about for a nice big wooly worm to enter in the race, one of the tables caught my eye. It was manned by a big scruffy, mean-looking guy, but next to him was the most beautiful young lady I had ever set my 14-year-old eyes on. I couldn't believe it. She had shoulder-length burnt reddish copper hair and freckles across the bridge of her nose, enough to be cute but not too many. Her green...