Although you made some interesting points regarding the justice system, you need to support your arguments with factual information instead of mere subjective opinion.
- 07/09/2004
- 00:28:17
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I was expecting to read a detailed critique of the advantages and disadvantages of the Atkins Diet, however this reads more as an advertisement than an essay.
- 07/09/2004
- 00:22:23
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Great essay. Although you explained the motivations and concepts behind his artworks really well, I think you missed one of his most important areas of artmaking: film, which he dedicated alot more time to than his paintings. I think one of the most genius aspects of his work was the way he played and manipulated the media.
- 14/05/2004
- 01:51:03
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I love essays with contents AND bibliographies! And the content was great.
- 11/05/2004
- 23:38:23
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
Although I agree with the points you make, I don't think you addressed or discussed them properly, considering the briefness of the piece. It feels like more of a list, or set of notes to be expanded upon than a finished essay.
- 11/05/2004
- 23:18:29
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Although you've raised some good points, this essay lacks depth and analysis, and there are some bad grammartical and spelling errors.
- 11/05/2004
- 23:12:34
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Awesome use of quotes. I found this essay really inspiring.
- 11/05/2004
- 22:56:55
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
The title of this is great, and your rebuttal of anti-choice and religious-based arguments is logical and well written.
- 11/05/2004
- 22:40:51
- Score: 13 out of 15 people found this comment useful.
How could it be stronger? I appreciate comments, but it's not useful for me to be told "It could be stronger" if there's no elaboration on how it could be stronger.
- 26/04/2004
- 02:59:03
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I like the format in which this essay is written. You've portrayed different elements of the issue well by letting people voice their own opinions through your interviews with thim. This is really great, I'm gad I read it. I though the pro-gay marriage women had some really good points that I hadn't heard before, too.
- 25/04/2004
- 00:39:43
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I too was surprised by your conclusion, especially after outlining Luther's oppressive religious views in relation to personal and moral rights and behaviours. However, I agree that his opinions give us an insight into religious impositions onto a person's individual rights and freedoms.
- 25/04/2004
- 00:33:17
- Score: 2 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Another important point that you could take up is what happens when a "pop explosion" becomes mainstream, like instance of hip hop and R&B at the moment. It's pretty ironic that a little more than ten years ago Ice Cube was rapping about police brutality and some other socially progressive issues, but now the biggest rapper in the world is a skinny wihte boy from a trailer park in the US (Eminem).
- 24/04/2004
- 23:39:44
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
"From my opinion I agree with Zinn about students shouldn't say yes to the government every time , but I disagree students should look critically at past because if students look critically at past, they will dislike their country and it will make students disrespect the members of an earlier generation."I find this statement rather strange. It seems to discredit your whole argument. You seem to be saying that if students were taught to think critically about the USA and it's history, they would realise that the USA has some pretty big problems, would begin to question why their country is the way it is and perhaps even try to change the society they live in. Surely this can only be a good thing? Your statement is saying that you think a society would be better off if it's inhabitants did not think for themselves, or question their country's leaders, or critically analyse the events tha have made their country what it is. Your statement also seems to acknowledge that the USA isn't the peaceful, democratic country that it promotes itself as, and that people would realise this is they scratched beneath the surface.This essay lacks any kind of material that backs up your opinion, which means your arguments are very unconvincing, for example, "...why we have to do all this kind of respect? Because we have to be proud of our own country, and then others will give more respect than they're own country."What i find most disturbing about this essay, apart its the obvious language and grammar problems, is the conclusion you reach: people who are alienated from thier country will automatically become dropkicks and drug addicts. I believe in an education system where the emphasis is on teaching students to become critical thinkers and active citizens, where students not only learn about the society in which they live, but how they can have an active part in changing it for the better. I think the style of teaching that you advocate promotes a student body of drones who simply regurgitate what their teacher tells them, without analysis or thought.
- 23/04/2004
- 20:58:24
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The information presented in this essay is good, however it lacks structure and a clear introduction, which makes it hard to read.
- 22/04/2004
- 21:36:20
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
The issue of how the media distorts and sensationalises medical and scientific issues is such an interesting topic, you tackled it really well here. The almost conversationalist tone works well, and the medical terms are well explained and easy to understand. The quotations you used reinforce your arguments really well, too.
- 22/04/2004
- 21:33:11
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This is a good essay, with some interesting points on the healing benefits of music to humans, but I found the title a little misleading. I guess I was expecting an essay about the development of music throughout the ages. Perhaps a better title would be "Therapuetic benefits of music" or something like that.
- 22/04/2004
- 21:27:59
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The way you've placed the movie in a social context is great. I'm still uncovinced about the movie due to the mixed reviews it has attracted, but I definately want to see it now.
- 22/04/2004
- 14:52:20
- Score: 14 out of 15 people found this comment useful.
This essay is one of the best I've read on this site. You've presented the ideas in a really thought-provoking and insightful way. Many analyses of 1984 and it's characters are very simplistic, but I think you totally hit the nail on the head. The inclusion of quotations from the book is excellent, too.
- 22/04/2004
- 14:49:13
- Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
The definitions are outlined clearly and carefully - I found this informative and easy to understand. I think you tackled the legal/ethic issues really well.
- 21/04/2004
- 07:13:18
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I had very little knowledge of Down Syndrome, but found this essay informative + easy to understand. There are a few sentences that are a little unclear and difficult ot read, but otherwise you explained the medical/scientific information really well.
- 21/04/2004
- 07:09:22
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I came away from reading this essay still unsure of what Internet2 is really all about. This read more like an advertisement than an informative essay.
- 19/04/2004
- 06:29:31
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This essay is full of unsupported and factually incorrect assertions.
- 14/04/2004
- 08:00:56
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
This is a really interesting topic - you should really write a longer piece on your findings, as this essay seems to really only touch upon a few ideas.
- 14/04/2004
- 07:59:15
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This is a really good example of how pieces based on personal experience can often be the most moving and thought-provoking pieces of all.
- 13/04/2004
- 21:52:35
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Your writing style and your arguments, as backed up by quotes from The Crucible, make for a very convincing essay.
- 13/04/2004
- 06:15:42
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
The quotes you used are great, and you covered the issue of gender roles being mostly social really well.I will definately use this essay as a reference in the future.
- 13/04/2004
- 06:11:26
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This takes up the very important issue of science in relation to racism, as most analyses omit this aspect of the justification of racism.
- 13/04/2004
- 06:06:16
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
The way you backed up the ten commandments with excerpts from the Bible is fantastic.
- 13/04/2004
- 05:58:27
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
The ending you discuss in this summary seems closer to Baz Luhrman's movie than Shakespeare's play. :)Was that intentional?
- 13/04/2004
- 05:46:08
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Overall I think this is a good essay, but there are some big problems that need to be addressed in terms of grammar and spelling, and general writing technique.You also make alot of very subjective statements without providing reinforcement or support.However, this is also very informative, which is great.
- 13/04/2004
- 05:41:00
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You summarised alot of ideas about teaching in such a short space, but this essay doesn't feel rushed or brief. I like the fact that you left the ideas in this essay very open to interpretation. Your points regarding the need for teaching attitudes to change with the times are fantastic, too.
- 08/04/2004
- 01:19:34
- Score: 17 out of 17 people found this comment useful.
I especially agree with your point on abolishing Work for the Dole.
- 07/04/2004
- 06:44:14
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I think you raised some really good points. I think you should emphasise the fact that alot of students at private schools do better because they are forced to, whether through school discipline or parent/peer pressure or other reasons. That's a really important point.
- 07/04/2004
- 06:37:26
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
...but i think you need to support the idea that "there are three types of personalities: brave, shy, careless." I didn't find this idea very convincing at all, as you just asserted the idea but didn't reinforce it.
- 07/04/2004
- 06:28:10
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
I think you touched on some good points, but really only browsed over most of them.An important issue of banning cars is the issue of the car industry, one which can't be ignored when discussing this topic. Many politicians and political parties who support big business would oppose banning cars due to the negative effect it would have on profits.It's true that most public transport systems don't have the capacity to deal with a large influx of people - they're really only designed to cater for a small amount of people, even during peak hours. Your essay really needs to take up how public transport systems could deal with this - perhaps employees who previously worked in the motor industry could be offered jobs in hte public transport system?
- 05/04/2004
- 01:19:02
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The ideas behind this essay are good, but you need to explain them in greater detail. What exactly are the health difficulties that can occur later in life that result from a bad diet?There are alot of statements in here that have no reinforcement, which makes it sound more like a story than an essay. For example, "Twenty or so years ago, children always used to eat a healthy home-cooked meal every night for dinner..." this is not exactly factually true, unless you call lamb chops dripping with oil + 3 veges smothered in butter healthy. The difference was that people consumed less saturated fats, an important point which you failed to address."Children these days are more likely to choose the fast foods over healthy foods mainly because of the price." Are they? What suggests this, other than your opinion?
- 04/04/2004
- 05:51:57
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
...great definitions.
- 02/04/2004
- 22:12:34
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I think you approached this article well, considering the lack of studis and data on the topic of the convergence of biology and beauty. It was unbiased, and the inclusion of your opinion following the information at the conlcusion works really well. The comparisons between human and animals were particularly interesting.However, I just don't think it's possible to have a full discussion about this topic and leave out the social/cultural issues. That's my only criticism.
- 02/04/2004
- 20:27:26
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
I found this essay really useful, as not only is it really well written and easy to understand, but places the patient's symptoms in the context of her life experiences in a non-judgemental way.
- 02/04/2004
- 20:16:02
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This would be a great essay if you were already convinced that pre-marital sex is bad, but completely unconvincing for anyone else.Your arguments are one-sided and unpersuasive. Furthermore, alot of your arguments really only apply to the the issue of safe sex and contraception, not premarital sex.Your arguments are supported not by fact, but by extreme and rare occurances and personal anecdotes, like "There was even this case of a woman trying to flush down her baby down the toilet" and stories of women leaving their babies on people's front door steps. Some reinforcement and real factual information would be nice.You seem to write from your own perspective: a man's, as demonstrated by the last line "...when the urge to have sex cannot be overcome then the person involved should use a condom to protect himself" and the use of the phrase "our fathers".This is very alienating for female readers, and shows how ill-informed you are of the issues surrounding sex.
- 02/04/2004
- 20:02:14
- Score: 3 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
This essay is so informative and unbiased, the use of statistics to demonstrate the potential health risks to lesbians was a really great addition to your arguments, considering the lack of scientific/medical research and data.
- 02/04/2004
- 19:53:55
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
This is one person's view, a rant, expressed through emotive language with no factual reinforcement.If you are going to make statements like "Even though it is a fetus, it is still living. People say that just because it isn't born it doesn't matter, when really it does. The fetus is still alive and growing. If you kill it, then you kill a living thing..." then you have to be prepared to back it up with some kind of evidence that suggests your opinion is true.
- 02/04/2004
- 19:32:01
- Score: 19 out of 31 people found this comment useful.
This essay would be much more interesting if there was more information about what Dali was trying to convey/express/achieve through his paintings.
- 02/04/2004
- 19:15:48
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
My only criticism is that there are some punctuation and spelling errors that makes it hard for the reader; there's one sentence in there that doesn't make sense at all (final sentence, fith paragraph)You explained Pollock's intentions really well, I have a much better understanding of his artworks now.
- 02/04/2004
- 19:13:06
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You managed to balance this essay with biographical facts and emotive statements really well. There is lots of repetition of fact that needs to be addressed, but otherwise this is a fantastic essay and art theory resource.
- 02/04/2004
- 18:33:24
- Score: 14 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
There are some spelling and grammar mistakes, but more importantly, I think you need to be more factual, and support your assertions with facts, even if you are presenting your personal opinion.You make the statement "If imperialism is used to move toward globalization I believe that it is an evil" but you don't elaborate on the link between globalisation and imperialism any further, which makes me pose the question: could the process of globalisation have occurred without the existence of imperialism?This essay would make alot more sense if you started off with a clear definition of imperialism - it seems that you are discussing imperialism as a political ideology, not as an economic/political social system.
- 02/04/2004
- 17:49:59
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This essay would make alot more sense if you did the things you suggested in the note at the bottom.It seems like you really only touched on some of the issues raised in Brave New World - each of the issues really needs its own paragraph or two so you can felsh out + explore it a bit more.
- 02/04/2004
- 17:30:26
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your presentation of the issues and your arguments again "pro-life" campaigners are really well explained, particularly in relation to the issue of a foetus and consciousness. This was linked really well to the argument about personal rights in relation to a woman's body.
- 02/04/2004
- 17:22:43
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The introductory paragaph is good and your language is clear and simple, and easy to understand. However I agree that the text should have been written in the third person. Also, the sections 2a, b & c would work better if they were used as examples of contrast and how it's used to achieve a certain effect in an artwork, as opposed to "First we did this, then we did that".I agree the title is somewhat misleading - I was expecting a very different essay, but maybe that's just me.
- 02/04/2004
- 02:17:04
- Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
The title really grabbed my attention, I guess it just goes to show how important a good title can be in attracting the interest of the reader.
- 01/04/2004
- 06:41:38
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
A very informative essay. The Myth vs Reality structure that you chose works really well considering the subject matter + content. It also makes for easy reading.There are some pretty serious spelling and grammatical errors that need fixing up, however.
- 01/04/2004
- 06:37:39
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This has some grammatical and spelling errors that really need fixing up.There are some good ideas here, but they are presented quite subjectively - you should reinforce them with back up material for this essay to be more effective.
- 01/04/2004
- 06:33:29
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
This reads like a description from a medical book. Your description of the different types of depression, its symptoms + it's causes are brief but informative.
- 01/04/2004
- 06:28:13
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your arguments are well structured, but I think that if you make statements like "There has never been an issue which caused more disputes and conflicts within our country, than abortion" you should reinforce them with some kind of back-up. Otherwise, you argued your point really well.
- 01/04/2004
- 06:23:08
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You've discussed it very thoroughly, + teh way you've backed up most of your statements with statistics + survey results makes your arguement a strong one. The only thing you didn't seem to back up was your conclusion.
- 01/04/2004
- 05:41:06
- Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
I have one suggestion: the introduction should be explained in more detail, for the sake of those who haven't read the book. For example, instead of "At this time....", maybe try, "The novel 'To Kill a Mockingbird' is set during a period of America's history when racial discrimination..."
- 01/04/2004
- 05:31:45
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Great essay, thoroughly researched.Although the language of the essay is generally quite easy to read + digest, I think that you should break up the parapgrahs so that they indicate a new thought or idea. Similarly, the sentences should be shorter, as some are too convoluted.This would make it much easier to read, especially considering the high amount of abbreviations and statistics.
- 01/04/2004
- 05:25:36
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.