Beam Me Up Scotty!

Essay by EssaySwap ContributorHigh School, 10th grade February 2008

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"Here she comes to wreck the day!!!" It was a cold, windy Autumn day in Mongolia when it happened. The Icly family was huddling in their cave next to a fire. They were cavemen, and it was 50,000 B.C. , the Ice Age. Darco Icly recognized the dreadful sound first, and knew danger was coming. Being the "intelligent" Neanderthal he was, he made a dim-witted motion attempting to signal the family towards the back of the cave, was too late. "Hello fellow Icly's! Auntie Sisqo's back! Come give me a kissy kissy kids!". Aunt Sisqo had returned.

You'd have to know Aunt Sisqo to understand her annoyance and have an aversion to her. "Come here, and give Aunt Sisqo at least a hug little ones! You too Petar", she said, indicating for the Icly kids: Lylo and Petar to greet her. Aunt Sisqo was always like that, she at all times talked about her self as a 3rd person.

For example, if she was telling one of her long, dragging-on-with-no-point stories, and someone interrupted her, she'd snap something like, "Do not speak while Aunt Sisqo is speaking! Aunt Sisqo is teaching you a life lesson now you here?". What was equally aggravating was this obese woman's voice. Imagine an aging woman, no doubt- crazy, about 20 times to big for her species, with a high-pitched, and scratchy voice, plus, who sort-of sang when she talked. Now, multiply that irritation by 10 and you equal Aunt Sisqo.

Hopefully now you can realize why the Icly's weren't so happy to see her. Even though they disliked her, they were a kind, generous family, and was very nice to her. Petar Icly was a gentleman (with a Cranial Capacity of 2) and he courteously showed Aunt Sisqo to the back of their cave home. "Oh guess what Icly's? Aunt Sisqo has discovered a great...err...discovery," she whispered loudly. After no one made a stir to ask what, so, she told them to "Guess what Aunt Sisqo discovered" and Lylo Icly sarcastically smiled and asked what was the great discovery. She began her story, "During my vacation to Southern Asia, I met a crazy little cave man who insisted he traveled to the future and back numerous times. Being the curious old woman like myself I went to go check it out. At first, he resisted in letting me in, and, due to our sexual dimorphism he felt intimidated by my large size, and let me roam his wonderful cave. He had an odd cave full of odd objects. One of them heated food in 30 seconds, and ended with a dreadful "ding ding ding ENJOY YOUR MEAL!" sound. Another weird contraption of his showed people in a small squared box talking and doing everything we do plus more odd rituals, in which he sat in front of all day watching it, finding it amusing. The thing that frightened me most was...". "Was what?! Tell me, tell me," demandingly interrupted Flard Icly, because now, the family was very interested. "Well, let me finish," she replied, " The thing that frightened me most was the people in the little box. The little cave man called them, 'Humans', and they had little hair, no hunchbacks, nice teeth, and beautiful cloth they wore on them that covered their bodies, called 'clothes'. They dressed in colorful 'clothes' saying, 'Yeah Baby! Shag-a-delic!', they had a contest hosted by a scary 'human' that won them a million 'dollars' (dollars were their sort of money, and money is like what we trade for food and cloth), and they had teenage witches named, 'Sabrina'. After I asked him many questions about these, 'humans', he was flattered that I was interested in his work, so he took me into the future!" said Aunt Sisqo smiling from ear to ear.

"I knew it! I knew Aunt Sisqo couldn't be that interesting," said Lylo, because now, the Icly's believed Aunt Sisqo was truly fibbing. They thought she never could've been to the future. She was crazy enough to make up this story. The Icly's were very angry that Aunt Sisqo played with their minds, so they left her in a huff and got ready to sleep in the left side of the cave.

Aunt Sisqo was very mad. "Aunt Sisqo could go to the future! Aunt Sisqo did! Aunt Sisqo went there and back. Aunt Sisqo's family don't know a thing...well neither does Aunt Sisqo...we're all Neanderthals here, literally," she rambled to her self as she wandered aimlessly into the valleys of Mongolia. Suddenly, a blue-ish dish in the night sky appeared, and Aunt Sisqo looked at it, trying to figure out what it was. Then, she realized it was her alien friends: Scott, Barbara, Mike, and Sue. She said a famous line, and was gone...