The Redneck Mystique

Essay by originalsnowbunnieUniversity, Bachelor'sA+, March 2004

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One of the few completely clean jokes I know came from the pastor of my church. On a recent Sunday morning, he told a story about Jesus going to a small restaurant and sitting quietly in a corner after placing a lunch order. An Irishman in a wheelchair comes into the restaurant, is shown to his table, whereupon he recognizes Jesus, and asks the waitress to send over a cup of coffee, from him. Next comes in an Englishman with a pronounced limp, who also recognizes Jesus, and asks the waitress to send over a "cuppa" tea from him. The third man to enter the restaurant is a redneck, who upon recognizing Jesus requests that He be sent a tall, icy-cold glass of Coca-Cola. Jesus finishes his lunch, and all three beverages, and upon leaving the restaurant, he stops to express his appreciation for the generosity of his benefactors. He places his hand on the shoulder of the Irishman, who finds himself able to arise from his wheelchair, a feat he had not been able to accomplish in years.

Likewise, the Englishman, upon receiving Jesus' touch on his shoulder, finds that his limp is gone and his leg healed. When Jesus approaches the redneck, however, the redneck jumps back and throws up his hands in horror, crying out, "Don't touch me! I'm on disability!"

"You know you might be a redneck," claims comedian Jeff Foxworthy, "if you think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company." He also states, "you know you might be a redneck if you think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are, 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'" Similarly, the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, popularly known as NASCAR, has been perpetually linked to the redneck mindset through the entertaining notion that the acronym...