How to Write an Essay

Essay by omfg911College, UndergraduateC+, September 2014

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First, check the topic. If you're lucky, your smarter friend, sister, mother, or gerbil has written an enthralling and perceptive A+++ paper on this very topic, and still has it on their memory key or on the floor of their cage. Remember to take their name off and change the date. Otherwise, perhaps they would be willing to write it for you tonight, if… you: fix them up with your hot neighbour, let them borrow your new Ipod, do the dishes and laundry for a week, or get them a brand new wheel and some cheese. Try not to use those free papers off the internet. Often, they were written by students just like you and they suck, even the $5 ones. Do consider these same sites though, to recycle some of the papers you did manage to write for other English courses, and to buy another Ipod.

Why should all that hard work be for naught? Naught: nothing - nada - bubkas. Big words impress teachers. Lord knows your teacher didn't appreciate all that paper you printed up, but perhaps a desperate and clueless student will, who didn't read these handy tips.

If you must reinvent the wheel and actually write the essay yourself, stick to the age-old formula. Remember that the best essays are always written at three o'clock in the morning, and never, ever reread or edit, as that might stifle your creativity. Organization is much more important than content, so don't worry if you aren't even sure what the topic is about. That's your teacher's fault. First, repeat everything your teacher has said

in the last few classes, in your introduction. You need to assume that your teacher knows what they are talking about, or at...