Common Gardening Mistakes, Creative Writing

Essay by WayneboHigh School, 11th gradeA, March 2009

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Essay 2: Common gardening mistakesWhether it is a sand garden in Saudi Arabia or a potato and hops patch in Ireland, people love gardening. The truth is though, most people don't know how to garden, and make silly mistakes when planting their jade vines or venus fly traps. Some people don't even know the difference between a funnyfelosis and a Lummylosias. If one just can't get gardening down, remember these three different examples and one can have the best garden on the block; guaranteed.

Annuals or perennials? Everyone knows that the most common gardening mistake is getting annual plants mixed up and confused with perennials. The difference between them is that perennials grow for about four years on average. Annuals however, grow once in a year. There is an easy way to find a difference between them. Annuals sounds like the word animal. A worker bee is an animal. The average life for a worker bee is one year.

Now if one spells annuals backwards it spells slaunna which sounds like cole slaw; sort of. Cole slaw is made of cabbage which is an annual plant that is usually purple. Some annual plants are called “purple plants” because they are planted in February, and that month's birthstone is a amethyst which is purple. Now there are two words: purple and animal. Now when one thinks of the word annual you can think of “purple animal” therefore remembering that it is a plant that lives one year and is usually planted in February. that is an easy example for anyone to remember! Next are the particular perennials. Here is another simple way of remembering the tough difference between the two. These plants will usually live up to four years. Now, the usual length for a president's term is four years until he or she can be elected again. Perennials are usually planted in April. The word April has five letters in it, and James Monroe was the fifth president of the United Sates. What most people don't know is that James Monroe's second oldest Sister's middle name was in fact Perennial. If one hears the word perennial one can think of April, presidential terms, and our fifth president's second oldest sister's middle name. That is by far the simplest example of remembering what a perennial is.

Hiring a shifty gardener. If one is too lazy to garden, or are severely handicapped, don't worry! It is possible to have a beautiful garden that would make Martha Stewart proud. Hiring a gardener to maintain a garden is as easy as one, two, three. The most common mistake here is hiring a distrustful or lethargic gardener. The following are examples of what to do if one wishes to hire a cheap, but hard working collaborator. The first thing one would do would be to buy a Spanish book and learn key command phrases. Don't think that “tonto” is his pet name for you, or that “mida!” is an insult to your mother. After one knows a bit of Spanish, it is time to pick out your loyal trustworthy gardener. Drive down to the local garden store and ask if they have anyone for hire. If they do then great! If they don't one can always look in the classifieds. When one meets a new hired hand they should be polite and courteous. Be sure to pick the one without the tattoos of non clad ladies all over his body, and definitely not the one that robbed you at gunpoint last week. Once the exultant employee is hired it is customary to take them back to the garden to work. One should use the Spanish that they have learned to give commands on what needs to be done. After the hand gets to work, one can enjoy a quiet afternoon playing gin rummy with friends or making crochet sweaters by the fire while the hand works outside. When it is dusk, venture outside to see the work he has done. If the newly hired gardener has trimmed the shrubs, mowed the grass, pruned the greens and planted the squash, then it is customary to give him the home phone number, give him a pat on the back, and tell him to come back next weekend. If the hedges are destroyed, the dog is tied up, and there are trenches in your lawn, it is probably a good idea to hire a new gardener.

Watering. The most common mistake people usually make is over watering. Don't try to water so much that your plants have to build an arc and float away. Plant usually need three to four ounces a week. This is actually more common than under watering. Under watering, although a less common mistake, can be more damaging to your plants. Try to set up a routine and water your plants at least once every day or until the soil gets a little bit crusty around the top. Remember to only use water. Hydrochloric acid or gasoline would be a very bad idea.

In retrospect, gardening can be a very fun fulfilling and rewarding hobby if you don't make common gardening mistakes. Hiring a gardener, knowing the difference between annuals and perennials, or knowing common watering techniques. Although there are many more fun and interesting examples of common gardening mistakes, these are among the most important that you need to know. Remember; always watch out for snapdragons, and stay as cool as a cucumber.