Torn In Two

Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate January 2002

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Torn in Two "You want to know what it's like? It's like I'm standing under this giant snow bank and if I move in any direction, it's going to come crashing down and bury me." This quote exactly captures how both Beth and I feel. In the movie "The Deep End of the Ocean," a mother's child is stolen and later on is found. Overwhelmed and consumed by the tremendous loss, she couldn't live the life she wanted to live. I am an adopted child and it is arduous for me to live a jovial life after the loss of my biological parents. I'm torn between living with my adoptive parents and finding my biological parents.

Beth, the mother of Vincent and Ben, goes on vacation to a high school reunion. There a high school classmate decides to kidnap Ben. Beth goes through a large amount of pain as she must live her life without Ben. She doesn't want to move on and forget about Ben because he is a big part of her life, but she must move on in order to regain her sanity. I wish someday to find my biological parents but I feel I have to be strong for my adoptive parents. If I show interest in wanting to locate my biological parents, I might hurt my adoptive parents. No matter which direction I take or which decision I make, it will affect both parents.

As an adopted teenager, I went through many stages in my life where I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was an object being tossed around back and forth between my adoptive parents and my "real" parents. Many times I experienced nervous tension to the point where afterwards I couldn't even get out of bed the next day.

Beth had things to worry about besides her lost son. She had to maintain her house work, oversee the other kids, be a good mom, be a good wife, pay the bills, cook dinner and sustain her vocation as a professional photographer. For me, school was extremely stressful and hard. I worked day and night trying to achieve a decent GPA and also had to try to be more social. While growing up, I was very shy and quiet (Hard to believe"¦) For a while, especially when I was in elementary school and junior high, I was embarrassed to tell people that I was adopted. People would stare when I did "mother/daughter" things like go to the grocery store or eat out. Ben also received weird and unusual looks when he returned to his biological parents. I got those same looks when people found out I was adopted.

When Ben returned home, Beth and Pat, his genetic parents, lost all information from medical information to favorite things. Ben was missing for nine years and that was too much time to make up. Beth and Pat didn't know the "parent" things about Ben like his favorite food, his favorite basketball team, or even his shoe size. When I came to the United States, I was three months old. My parents were oblivious about several things like how much I weighed or how tall I was. They didn't even know what time I was born. All I know is that I was born in the city of Tageau in South Korea. My father was a businessman. My mom was a teenage mother. My father left me. My mother was left to take care of me and she wasn't financially stable enough to do so, so she left me. I was then placed in foster care. In a way I've grown to be jealous of people who know everything about themselves.

In the end, Ben felt lucky to have two sets of parents. I, too, am very appreciative that I was put in a better home. I have neither animosity nor love for my biological parents. If ever given the opportunity to meet them, I would jump at the chance, but that doesn't mean I would automatically love them. I guess I'm just torn in two.