User Details For: Eggy

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  • Great job

    It was a pretty thorough essay, well written and supported with facts. Im glad you also included the bibliography. Great job
    • 14/01/2005
    • 12:50:43
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Another reason would be...

    Another good reason for abortion to be accepted, would be the population growth. As we all know the population of the world has almost doubled since a couple of years ago. That means that we are reaching a population crisis which results in many natural resources being used up. Our environment will not be a safe atmosphere to live in, therefore we should come up with ways to limit this rapid growth. This is where abortion comes in. If we don't allow women to abort then that would result in a higher fertility rate, being this way detrimental to our society!Just an idea...
    • 18/11/2004
    • 14:51:56
    • Score: 2 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Some things to consider

    Great informative essay but like most essays it has its own flaws, some of which I am about to mention.Judging your essay from a grammatical point of view, check your first sentence and see if you can find where your error is. You say that Dallas, Texas and Shreveport, and Louisiana, both (that's the mistake, the word both) when there are three states you are comparing. Both is used when referring to two nouns, which in this case is not applicable.In your third paragraph, instead of there you should say their because you are talking about the cities exciting attractions.Also, if you would really like the reader to consider what you have stated in your essay then you should think about letting the reader know where your information comes from. It will just put the possible doubts away.Some other factors I would consider looking up and comparing would beA. Average Annual Growth RateB. Median Household IncomeC. Money Spend per Public School Student on All ExpensesD. Persons per Square Mile of Land AreaE. Population age 65 or OverF. Population under age 18G. Education (types of school, etc)etc...some people just tend to look at all these factors before they decide where they would like to live.That's all I have to say, other than that it's a great essay and good job!
    • 16/11/2004
    • 18:55:15
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • You need a bibliography

    I don't blame you! Most high schools in America do not enforce the "Law" of citing the sources in an essay or in research paper. But my advice would be that you should cite any information or statistics you include in your essay. If not, you are giving the readers the chance to doubt your information and sometimes not consider your essay as adequate! Just saying...
    • 16/11/2004
    • 18:40:57
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Sources?

    Very informative. I did learn a lot, mostly statistics from your essay, but you make me question myself how adequate your information is? What I'm implying is that such a good essay will definitely need a bibliography. You can't expect the reader to believe everything you say, because nowadays you can't trust anything unless you have facts! This also makes me wonder how come you got such a high grade when you are missing such an important part of an essay or research, whatever the case might be! Either way, that's my advice!eggy
    • 16/11/2004
    • 18:37:20
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Some things you need to work on

    Ok well, I read your story and to be totally honest with you, which I will (that's one of my flaws) your "letter" to Lancy needs a little more emotion, more literary language, and needs a little more creativity in the way you compose your letter. Let me explain it thoroughly.I'll start with your first paragraph. The first sentence, I think towards the end of it and I quote "I just finished reading your book Every Second Counts, and I loved every second of it" it gets kind of awkward. When you talk about books you would usually say I enjoyed every page I read, or something else that would make reference to the book but not the time as in your case. As a reader I thought that didn't sound too good so I would change that around a little bit. HOpe you are not hating on me by now, cuz if so then you are going to really really dispise me towards the end of this criticism.Also the second sentence of your introductory paragraph you say "Your books are so inspirational and so moving that every time I put down your book..." First I think you are overusing the word BOOK too much. Just try to compose the sentence in such a way that it will sound a little different but still maintain the same meaning. Not only that, but the switch you make from plural to singular tense gets awkward, if you know what I mean.As I read along, I realized that what you are doing with your letter is basically telling the person, in this case, Lancy (i hope i'm not misspelling the name) everything he has done. In my opinion, he knows what he has done throughout his life. What you should focus more is how that has inspired you and what has changed in your life because of his lifetime. You tend to list every event that has happened to him. I'd rather write something like "The obstacles and sufferings you have experienced throughout your lifetime has inspired me greatly, realizing how great of a person you are, not giving up at any time. That makes me reconsider my position in life, and gives me power and energy to never give up and try my best to succeed and achieve the goals I have set to myself" You might totally hate my sentence but I'm just giving you an example how you should let Lancy know what impact he has had on you. Your letter would rather make him cry because you are highlighting that he is sick and soon will die, and you wouldn't want to do that. You'd rather make him feel better and useful since he has changed your life for better.Also, when it comes to the grammar of this essay, watch out for those commas. I noticed that in some places you use the comma instead of the period, and that's when the sentence loses its influence on the sentence and on the reader. Also, make sure you use appropriate language when you write an essay. If your purpose was to add a little sense of humor to your essay find another way to do so other than saying "one hell of a role model". That doesn't sound too intelligent. I'd rather say a joke, or relate a funny experience from my life with his life, or something similar.Well I don't want you to think that your essay is a total joke and you should throw it out. That's totally "stupid" to think but instead I'd recommend you to use these advices next time you write an essay, or just go back to this essay and try to consider this person one of your friends. It will be easier to reveal the real you then just list some things from his life. Don't get me wrong, your essay is pretty good! Don't think that I write awesome essays either, trust me. I get A- and B+ sometimes, but that's just a lesson that I learn everytime I do get one. Also, you might not believe this but English is not even my native language. I learned it two years ago when I moved to America. So anything is possible!Good luck and if you want to I can give another look at your "new" essay if you decide to revise it! Just let me know!~eggy~
    • 16/11/2004
    • 18:33:11
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Don't forget to really define the word drug!

    The only criticism I have to make is in your first paragraph. When you are introducing the termonology of the word drug. I see you mention that drugs are not only cocaine, pot, heroine etc, but also alcohol is one of them and it's just as detrimental as the others. I totally agree with you but i would suggest you to add the fact that drugs are also the medicine we get in the drug store. So i just want you to present the positive and the negative connotation that word signifies. Then you can relate it to alcohol and start from them. Your essay by the way is pretty educative. I knew everything you said on your essay but that's because I did a research on it, but for the others it will be a very helpful essay. I wish you could have researched some facts, just to add a little more credence to it, and then cite the sources, but either way it's a relatively good essay.Good job!
    • 16/11/2004
    • 18:13:13
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Great

    I totally agree with you! Even though as a teenager, financially speaking I would like the other option better because that would mean free music for me, I think it's totally inappropriate for us to download music we don't pay for. After all, why do all those artists spend numerous hours a day to produce and sing songs, if they don't get rewarded afterwards.Great essay!
    • 16/11/2004
    • 15:11:16
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Hm

    I agree with you on the fact that some innocent people may be executed and that would be wrong, but what about the cruel criminals? Why should we give them the chance to live when they take away so many lives? They don't deserve to live, even if in prison!But gramatically speaking, your essay is very well composed and organized.
    • 16/11/2004
    • 15:08:09
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Oops

    sorry guys but there are a few grammatical errors i just found such as in a couple of places i said I and my father when it's supposed to be my father and I!!! please forgive mealso this essay has a couple of paragraphs but when i submitted it here it suddenly came out this way...i dunno
    • 23/09/2004
    • 09:07:07
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    the essay was pretty interesting! ANd you did a good job on the way you approached it, the style it has, and the wordchoice is pretty good also! But what i do have to tell you is that you should never start an essay with "I think.."That just makes your essay weaker...giving the readers the impression that you are not so sure about it, or whether the others agree with you...but you think! it would sound better if you said...In general...or from past experiences or whatever!Hope you understand where am i trying to get to...Good job!THumbs up!
    • 21/09/2004
    • 22:38:27
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Hm

    oh and by the way...i just found out it's plagiarized..man you wasted my time!! grr it's ok!http://www.gradesaver.com/ClassicNotes/Titles/solitude/themes.html
    • 21/09/2004
    • 21:37:49
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Now we're talking

    well....now this is good!!! Cuz it's yours (at least i think so)It's pretty informative and educational... correct usage of grammar which is always a plus!Keep it up!
    • 21/09/2004
    • 21:31:39
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Great job! i'm impressed

    Well just to start off I had to read this book for my AP English Summer Assignment this year and i really liked it! The style of it would be categorized as an evil world, but i still loved how the author managed to put all those events and things together!Now, enough with the digression...going back to ur essay...since that's what i'm commenting on lol!Your essay is very thorough; it describes in details the themes of the book and it's quite accurate...while i was reading it, i thought of more possible themes but honestly i don't see any other possible ones that one might add to it!Great job!Keep it up *wink wink*
    • 21/09/2004
    • 21:16:55
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Don't worry!

    Oh dont worry hon! Those are typical mystakes that happen to anyone...all that matters is that you understand them and now you are aware of them...lol
    • 21/09/2004
    • 14:46:25
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Be strong

    Listen hon!I've been through a lot of painful moments that I don't want to start telling people because I know i'm going to end up crying! If it makes you feel better, I was abandoned when i was 4, kidnapped when i was 5 and never received a phone call from my mom who knew what happened because everyone in albania did! I went to therapy because I ended up in depression at such a young age that it just wasn't healthy for me! I grew up thou, stronger, not listening to the other kids going like "eggy u don't have a mom so u get to pick last" ...that was painful but even if i was young i knew i had to be stronger! ANd i did become stronger and better than them...i went to school to france for 8 years for dancing where igot my diploma and became a pro dancer..also modelled and sang a couple of songs in concerts..pretty much i was becoming famous not for being a victim but for having talents! It took me a while it's true but my life was not so perfect anymore...i was 15 when i came to america, hidden in a truck, from canada to here because life in albania was risky and not safe! I was illegal here that's right..and didn't even speak more than 3 words in english...went to trial and told them everything so they gave me legal rights to stay here! That wasn't it...not being able to communicate...coming from a world i came from, europe, was hard as hell!!! But i worked my butt off and studied so hard that i mastered english in 5 months..and now i'm taking 5 AP classes as a senior in hs! As far as family goes...my dad is very strict and conservative...that means i get a lot of bullshit from him too because he is overly protective but i don't blame him! he doesnt want to lose me again...so i feel ur pain darling but just think of the brighter side even if u might think there is none at the moment!Be stronger and tell yourself that soon you will be on your own and let this be a lesson for u in the future!Stay strong!love,your friend eggy
    • 20/09/2004
    • 21:31:32
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Great

    ahhaha...good job gurl!i mean from a 13 years old perspective it's pretty cool and educative! I like the info you added which makes your point more convincing...keep it up!*wink*
    • 20/09/2004
    • 19:48:51
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmm

    Hmm...are you sure this is it? is there any continuation to this..I mean it's not bad, or anything but it does sound like there can be more to the story after what has happened!It is pretty intriguing at first, and it does tantalize me as the reader to read the rest of it, but in the end, to be honest with you i'm kind of left disappointed because I actually want to know what your plans will be and how are you going to reach them!Plus it is kind of ambiguous in the beginning! You say that you want to graduate really bad, kind of implying that you have been around the school for quite a while and that now you finally want to get out of there!Again, I might be totally wrong but this is the way i interpreted it!It can be clearer but as far as creativity goes, it's pretty interesting, and it would be a great piece of creative essay or story if you did expand it a little more!Don't get me wrong, it's the fact that i like it that made write this comment because i think you can make it better!*Wink*
    • 20/09/2004
    • 19:44:40
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Touching!

    Ok well let's start with the overall impression that this essay left me!It was touching and very realistic, I mean it's a story that not too many people share but the ones who do, it is a very painful one and it's worth writing about it as an experience that just like in your case made you go through a lot of difficulties but in the end you were strong enough to leave it behind! It's emotional and there are feelings inside it that might make the reader taste some tears!The reason I'm saying it is possible is because of the way you approached your essay, and how you decided to express your story to the others!I love how you started your story, intriguing the reader and making him/her curious enough to keep reading! That's always a goal a writer has, to keep the reader tantalized and interested in the story! I also like how it is mysterious and does not reveal the true problem in the beginning...you always want to leave the reader with a suspense! Nice job on that one!!! Then you continue with your real problem, how you got involved in it, the consenquences which is basically the message you are transmitting "do not use drugs because this is what happens..it happened to me, and so it will to you if you did what i did" and then you have the ending result that basically if you fight it, it's definately benevolent to your life in all means!So, in other words, on the long run it's an awesome, educative essay!!!Now looking at it in a more constructive and grammatical way!You do have grammatic errors here and there such as in the beginning, second paragraph, you say "hatred that my family shared with each other"! Now, family is a singular noun, therefore saying that it shared hatred with each other, would make it plural, which is not! ANother way to say it would be "the hatred my family shared in itself"...u see what i'm trying to get at?Also some other mistakes which are not so important but of course would not help in making the essay reach its highest values, would be:1.in stead of "sleeping was not in my priorites --> sleeping was not my priority2.one before the last paragraph where you say "my lungs were barely working at 50 percent of there capacity. " there should be their!3. last paragraph: have got --> have gotten4. last paragraph: anyway --> in any wayand on top of these...watch out the commas because in some places they should really be periods!I'm sorry about this whole detailed comment, and i don't want to sound like a little bitch, but i'm very critical in the sense that I want an essay to be great and why shouldn't it be when you have all it takes to make it one? I mean your essay is fantastic! It has a message to reveal, emotions that go along with it, and it can attract nothing other than admiration, and sympathy from the readers so thumbs up my friend!!!XOXO,a senior chick, (HS)EggyPS. I only learned to speak english 2 years ago...so give me some credit cuz it was hard to learn it! lol =P
    • 20/09/2004
    • 19:14:24
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • One more thing

    I forgot to mention one more thing...Always include ur bibliography! it just makes it more accurate and shows that u really worked hard, and tried to make it as perfect as possible! It's always a plus!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 16:26:57
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good...just few suggestions...

    I like how organized ur essay is, i mean u listed everything this essay was going to be expanding upon in your first paragraph which is totally fine but instead of saying first, second, and third...and then starting with first again in ur second paragraph I would just list all three of the body paragraphs in my introduction, and then in the body paragraphs I would expand and write more about them!It just doesn't sound very articulate to repeat the same phrases especially one after the other!Overall opinion: i think it's pretty accurate, informative and explained and written in details! Very thorough and I commend u on that!In case you are interested in more information there's a website that explains in details every chapter and so on...http://www.literature-web.net/orwell/animalfarmOh and one more advice: try to be a little more creative and articulate in the usage of words...don't always stick to the straightforward, plain language! It's literature therefore some metaphors or similies, would not hurt it! *wink wink*Good job! U get a nice green happy face!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 16:25:48
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Diamondize

    thanks for ur comment diamondize! I have to admit it that even if it might sound as if it was easy to be where i am now, it did take a lot and i mean very hard work and diligence! I mean, being a foreigner is not so easy especially nowadays...but thank god i worked through it and i have to say i've become very successful in what i got myself involved with!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:45:37
    • Score: 3 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • I appreciate ur honesty

    hi diamondize!Unlike the other users here u actually wrote whatever you really thought of the poem analysis u read! I respect your opinion and i'm glad u respect mine too and i'm also glad that our opposing points of view did not affect ur overall idea of this analysis! That's very fair and just of u..thank u
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:24:59
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Thank u cc

    thanks u ccmustangs2001!i tend to write notes as thorough as these ones...maybe it's because i hate it when ihave to go back to a book or novel i've read before and i dont' remember! It's a pain to actually read short notes that won't help u bring the memory back so i try to make them as informative as possible. Thanks again
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:22:55
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • To courlove

    let me guess..u did't even read it! u just went through it, saw how many words it was consisted of, whether there were a bunch of paragraphs and hmm oh yeah, whether it had a bibliography or not! ANd let me guess again, the reason u rated it well it's because u also realized how idiotic u were being by rating all my essays poorly so to change that u decided to give me a good one! Nice try hon...i think by this time i know u well!!!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:10:03
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • To courlove

    hmm how did i know that u would say that?/ oh yeah, because that's what u say in every essay...
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:04:45
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Oh god...u gotta be kidding me

    Courlove...man seriously get a life! I mean i don\'t mind other people criticizing me cuz i know they are not lying but u just have the tendency to rate everything average or poorly!!! pshh i read ur \"essays\" which oh yeah are plagiarized..good job!!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:04:02
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Grapey

    seriously shut the fuck up! I'm fed up with your allusions to plagiarism..obviously that's what you have always done and assume that everyone else does it too!!! Get a life man,,,u little gay ass!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 15:02:31
    • Score: 1 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Grapey read the essay next time

    grapey please stop acting like you actually read anything from my essay, and it's pathetic how u always agree with courlove...dude it's time for u to actually write what u think of it, and not rephrase the other's comments!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 14:59:47
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • And who's the pathetic one?

    Grapey, please read the essay before making a fool out of yourself! It was a summer assignment u little grapehead!Obviously the reason i wrote two papers on one subject is because one is summary and one is my reflection to what i read!Too dumb to realize that?! Oh well
    • 20/09/2004
    • 14:56:34
    • Score: 0 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Grapey

    First of all..stop submitting the same comment to all my essays! It's obvious all you want is to get points for those!Secondly, it's so obvious you didn't read the essay because this was a summer assignment and we had to write a summary and a reflection to every chapter we read! THat's why, little grapey head, there are two essays on one subject! GOT IT?
    • 20/09/2004
    • 14:54:53
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • To grapey

    Listen Mr. Grapes...First of all..stop submitting the same comment to all my essays! It's obvious all you want is to get points for those!Secondly, it's so obvious you didn't read the essay because this was a summer assignment and we had to write a summary and a reflection to every chapter we read! THat's why, little grapey head, there are two essays on one subject! GOT IT?
    • 20/09/2004
    • 14:53:39
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    I like the way the essay or the biography is structured! You have a very nice and tantalizing introduction that draws attention and makes the reader want to know more!It's a very informative piece for people who would like to have an idea of who this person is!Nice way of putting your information into paragraphs although I would suggest grouping your ideas in a more succint way, that way you don't have to have that many short paragraphs, instead less and more valuable and better organized ones!Do not misinterpret my comment..i'm still implying that the essay is great!Keep up the good work...THumbs up!!!
    • 20/09/2004
    • 09:19:01
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Hm hm now who is right??

    hi there...i know it has been a while since u submitted this essay but now that the truth came forward, don't u think u owe us an apology?! I told u, u were being opinionated and biased and that what you think happened does not necessarily mean that it did happen! NOw i'm just glad that the result of all this will teach u a lesson! Kobe Bryant is not guilty!!!!
    • 19/09/2004
    • 21:10:29
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Niceeee

    I totally disagree with zoogirl..obviously she comes from the zoo she wouldn't know anything! But anyways, i like your essay, even if it's classified as a biography!!! You provided a lot of info about the baseball players and like grapey said, there is more info out there but i believe you did do a great job! Afterall it's not ur duty to mention every single thing there is to that person! Great job!!!
    • 18/09/2004
    • 15:02:12
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    Hiii!!!Nice essay...it was awesome for a creative one! It was quite interesting...not dull or boring like they usually tend to be, and good diction you used! keep it up!
    • 16/09/2004
    • 00:22:16
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    i like it! The paragraphs are a little too short and can be arranged differently but as they say quality no quantity! *wink*
    • 10/06/2004
    • 13:51:47
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Onegai

    i'm not tired onegai....it's just that i've been busy but keep checking on me andyou will see that essays will still knock on this door! Lol
    • 08/06/2004
    • 15:08:21
    • Score: 18 out of 20 people found this comment useful.
  • Courlove7

    well i appreciate the time you took to review my essay but i don't understand why do you waste your time writing a comment for me when it's clear enough that you didn't even read it! All you did, just like with all my other essays is see how short or long it is and then be judgemental upon the appearance of the essay! You have to know my dear friend that length has nothing to do with the quality of an essay and i dont believe that my essay was short at all but i still appreciate your opinion! I just hope it was a real one and not just a critical one because of the typical way your comments are!Anyways thanks!
    • 08/06/2004
    • 15:06:46
    • Score: 22 out of 23 people found this comment useful.
  • John

    wow...this is fascination! It might be unbelievable but as i was reading this essay in front of my class i was thinking that maybe i should submit my photo along with it since it might make people curious enough to want to see it! Unfortunately I do not have a scanner but i do have another pic of me if u wanna see it..lol~ Thanks again
    • 07/06/2004
    • 15:01:39
    • Score: 11 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
  • Great

    John you really do not need any further comments on your essay! I'm sure you already know it's (using slang) "hell of a good essay bro')lol...but yeah keep up the good workand oh yeah....watch the stuff we said already..the thesis statement..!!!~Eggy~
    • 06/06/2004
    • 22:19:59
    • Score: 32 out of 42 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmm good as always

    well i see there is a nice "conversation" going on below this essay and almost everything is mentioned so i guess my job is to just mention on which side I am! And of course is the positive one! I do like your style...(i'm saying this cuz i noticed you have a typical way of writing); i didn't mention it in your other essay but u do have the tendency to start your essay by stating what the essay is going to be about!My advice to you would be to use a better thesis statement that would imply or "state" the purpose of the essay! THat would sound better to the reader!!! *wink*other than that..enjoy the A u got...(Don't drink too much..he he =P)
    • 06/06/2004
    • 22:16:22
    • Score: 31 out of 45 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    I really like the structure and the format this essay is constructed upon and it is a good way to keep the reader interested because of the tantalizing way the essay approaches as the reader reads more!The quotes are very well chosen and good examples of what you were trying to prove! The conclusion is also very well written since it kind of summarizes the whole relevance of the essay!Good Job John and Keep it UP! =)
    • 06/06/2004
    • 22:08:28
    • Score: 60 out of 66 people found this comment useful.
  • Grammar

    along with what john said...look at the grammar too!good job
    • 06/06/2004
    • 21:35:59
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Movie review

    hi there!Since you asked me to comment on another essay of yours, I am doing it!The movie was certainly interesting, and it makes me actually want to see it! That of course implies you did a great job reviewing it, and getting the reader to the inside context of it.Now what i do not like so much about it is the way you approached your essay! If you would have been more eloquent and articulate, the essay or review might have sounded a little more "superb"!what i mean is that the language you used is a typical every-day one,(maybe not throughout the essay), and that is not favorable by the college professors or just professors and teachers in general!Plus you do want to sound a little more sophisticated don't u!Anyways, some things you might do to change the way your essay sounds are;When writing an essay you know that 99% of the time the thesis is the first into paragraph right? Thesis is supposed to introduce the reader to the essay and let him/her know what the author of the essay is going to be talking about!Well in your case, this didn't work that way! My suggestion to you would be the second paragraph, (wording it a little differently) should be the first one, because it kind of qualifying the movie, and stating the side you as an author are taking (whether it is positive meaning good to watch or negative)Then after talking about it, as u did on the other paragraphs (3,and 4) you can go deeper and in a more statistical way on the movie..such as your first paragraph where u mention dimensions and all! Although i dont like the first question that u ask...what does "Rashomon" mean, and the reason i don't like is because it's too commonplace! You need something more interesting, catchy that would tantalize the reader and make him/her want to read more and more...hope u get what i am saying!Do not get intimidated by what i said! You have to understand that even if an essay has things to work on, it can still be considered a good one,such in your case! I liked ur essay (if not i wouldn't have finished it, would I???)GOod luck!!! and let me know what u think..hope i helped!
    • 01/04/2004
    • 21:16:08
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Awesome!

    hey there~good job, i mean I'm usually hard on grading, and I don't usually like an essay that easy, but this one was worth it!You had a great introduction that tantalizes the reader and makes him/her read more and more!I also like the fact that you didn't express your opinion much, but let the reader decide by giving facts and all.Awesome! and you conclusion is very good!It kinda sums the whole thing up and that should be the purpose of the conclusion paragraph!Great job! Keep it up!
    • 28/03/2004
    • 14:51:42
    • Score: 6 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmm kinda

    hmmm quite an ambiguous essay!You lack the standard form of writing an essay, so that makes people a little confused, although i liked your essay, and its content!!Let's see, there weren't too many grammar errors, but a few sentences were kinda odd!Anyways, don't get me wrong, it's all good!I liked it! just fix your introduction!
    • 28/03/2004
    • 14:47:21
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Sorry...hope u feel better

    i'm sorry for what happened to your best friend!!!Hope you feel better! The persuasive essay is nice...good job!
    • 28/03/2004
    • 14:40:31
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Noone is perfect and correct ur grammar!! he he

    hey there babe..I liked your essay! It was interesting although I disagree! People make mistakes, and you are very much hinting that you believe that the accusations were true! We do not know that yet! ANyways, my comment is more focused on the grammar you need to work on!I noticed that you always write While...or WHich...as a another sentence!For example..first paragraph, last sentence: During the summer he attended basketball leagues, and camps. Which honed his skills and made him a fierce competitorWhich...is supposed to be part of that sentence, not another one! So you need a comma instead of a period!!!This mistake was also made a sentence previous to this one and also third paragraph, last sentence!!I'm very catchy huh???!!!SOrry...just want your essay to be great!Cuz it's worth it...it's a little opinionated but it's supposed to be that way since it falls into the "controversial" category!Hope you are not mad at me....have fun,eggy
    • 28/03/2004
    • 14:37:50
    • Score: 4 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Essay?

    I see these are nice strategies a student should follow to maintain his/her "coolness" during a test!I appreciate it, since they are very accurate and worth considering!Although, i am kind of questioning the catagory of this "essay"
    • 23/03/2004
    • 22:02:00
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • No intro

    i like the context and the elaborate and very sophisticated "literature-like" language you used to put your thoughts into words.Seems as if you are assuming the reader of this essay knows what you are talking about since you didn't introduce the reader to the play, who was it from, or what was it about!you went straight to the idea & conclusion of the essay...
    • 23/03/2004
    • 21:59:57
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Explanation...more thoroughly

    To those who do not understand the material submitted above:- the author of this paper is trying to give you an overall idea of who LongFellow was so next time you will be confronted by this name you will have a clue who that person is!Corrections & advice:I believe this is a good essay, mostly a biography and a more indepth analysis of longfellow's overall way of writing!What i am not completely satisfied with is the introduction! there's no realintroduction there really!You are being a little ambiguous making it sound as if you are giving advice and strategies rather than presenting an essay....try to correct that! Other than that, everything looks fine...
    • 23/03/2004
    • 21:57:18
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Awesome

    it looks like a research paper...it's very informative!I like the transmission u used from paragraph to paragraph! I also like the order you took to supply the reader with the useful information! Good thing it was not verbose and u tried to remail concrete...although it's hard to do that when doing a research paper!other words: Great job...
    • 23/03/2004
    • 21:52:32
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice intro

    i like your introduction! It's tantalizing...it actually draw me to the rest of the essay!
    • 21/03/2004
    • 12:13:15
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Great job

    now we're talking!! I love this piece..it's great! I like the effort you put into it, the transition you use to go from one paragraph to another, the way you explain and describe each paragraph...in other words it's greatkeep it up
    • 21/03/2004
    • 12:10:21
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice but a little short

    i like your book report and the information it consists of although i have to say that book reports do not deserve such brevity you gave them. Tend to be a little more into it, expanding a little more! That's why it's called a book report
    • 21/03/2004
    • 12:08:38
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Awesome

    that's a very happy story! I mean, it's kind of childish but i love it! It's very original and there is no fiction involved in it. it's simple life!Great job.
    • 21/03/2004
    • 12:06:22
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    i'm glad u had the patience to actually type this script!It was interesting...so good job!
    • 21/03/2004
    • 12:03:31
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmm...

    I think this "essay" is just like biged522 said very informative and great for someone who would be interested in this. I have to admit that it is kind of ambiguous the fact that is considered an "english" essay, but still, the effect it has on people who read it eliminates the defect it has as a general essay!I didn't notice many grammatical errors which is apealing.I would work a little on the structure of the essay thou. It is not really well structured and it lacks a little order which sometimes can be confusing.Overall is great! I think you did a good job and actually made me add the goggle icon to my search bar!! :)
    • 11/01/2004
    • 23:25:17
    • Score: 7 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Great essay! I think there was detailed explanation, analysis and well supported ideas mentioned in each paragraph! There were no grammatical errors and it was quite clear! I have two questions though:1. You mention that we see Macbeth's ignorance to be present even if he sees the truth... Now if he sees the truth then he is able enough to comprehend what it is. Then Why would he still be ignorant though? Or is it because "ambition" is making him an ignorant man even though not truly ignorant! Or are you trying to say that even if he sees the truth , he is not able to understand it! I'm not so sure about this one since we noticed that Macbeth is quite civilized and he would be capable of comprehending such a thing!2. From my experience, after quoting someone, you are supposed to expand a little on that quote. Especially if the quotes are really ambiguous and difficult to decipher.and as i said on my other comment maybe another paragraph might have been beneficial!
    • 06/01/2004
    • 22:04:20
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Social Change

    Overall: SInce it is an informative type of essay, i think you have probably used or referred to many sources which did not appear much throghout the paper! See, beginning with the first paragraph, you give a detail or a fact which you obviously got from somewhere!(you didn;t say where you got it though)ANother aspect of your essay would be the word "Social Change" which after reading for about 3 or 4 paragraphs became hackneyed cuz it's overly used. Try to use some pronouns or other "names" that might imply it. Especially in a paragraph!! I noticed you used this word probably three times in like two sentences! That makes the essay vague and not that desirable or attractive.Okkkkeeyyy... so what else! HmmmmOh yeah, after reading it I started reflecting on it, and what i basically got from it was that what you are really doing is presenting an actual event or fact that is happening which is not really resolved. But with your essay though you are not giving any ideas or opinions what the "social change" really is. What you are doing is basically interpreting the sociologists ideas which as mentioned in the last paragraph (conclusion) will "provide the ground for further studies by future sociologists".I think you should have interfered in there, trying to give your idea, and then support it by evidences you might have found! Now, I am not blaming you cuz I do not know what the "background" of this essay was, meaning that what the assignment really asked!But, hey, don't get me wrong! I liked your essay, and one little secret:If i read the whole thing that means it was interesting enough to finish it!!!!:)Have fun and hope it helps!
    • 06/01/2004
    • 00:27:40
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good!

    Nice! Pretty well organized. I liked the structure! The sentences was well written! It made sense; it was actually pretty self-explanatory! Since i had no clue what i was about to read, this essay was pretty easy to follow through! One thing though; next time make sure you don't write this many short paragraphs but try to link them together. It gets confusing at times since a couple of paragraphs have a good chance to represent the same thing!
    • 04/01/2004
    • 22:20:34
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Great Essay!

    Great! This is what i'm actually talking about considering the content and the material presented! The way it is presented here is not much satisfactory but that might be because of another reason. (no relevance to the essay)I really liked the way you answered the question step by step. The links were pretty strong from paragraph to paragraph. I did not notice any run on sentences which is good! You don't want to be too verbose and instead lacking originality!The more concise the better, but not going too extreme!
    • 04/01/2004
    • 22:16:46
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job!

    I really like your essay!Even though it is not that long, it contains the sufficient information needed! I think it will be really helpful to the ones who need some information on Marie Curie! Good JOb!
    • 04/01/2004
    • 19:04:25
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree!

    I am not writing to comment on your writing but just to give my idea about it! I have recently done this in my history class, and I would like to say that i completely agree with you and everything you said! It is totally true and the way you described it is very well written and organized! Nice!
    • 04/01/2004
    • 00:58:32
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job!

    First of all, I would like to say I really like the topic of your essay! It is rather metaphorical and it needs quite a good analysis! For what i read, I think you have accomplished something ( or everything). I liked the way you jumped from the bird to the novel and vice versa!Good job!
    • 04/01/2004
    • 00:54:35
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Watch the grammar!

    I understand what your points are that you are discussing but I don't really agree with the grammar! Here and there i notice a couple of grammatical errors which it would be better if they weren't there! Make sure, next time, you have a well written, using a proper usage of language (grammar) in the title. That is the first introduction you have with the reader and a misspelled title would not leave such a good impression!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 21:28:53
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Twice?

    Did you send it twice??Anyways, i read it and i dont think you added any new information but overall is good! But i think you might have expanded a little more on your arguments (basically your ideas)
    • 03/01/2004
    • 20:17:13
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Formaldehyde

    I wonder what words from the essay were really yours since it was so short and still you used many sources!Just wondering!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 19:23:50
    • Score: 4 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice paper

    First: Omg! You used so many sources which is great! DOn't get me wrong!I am just wondering how did you find so many> Internet?ANyways that's not what i would like to comment on though/I think your essay is pretty self explanatory! IT's detailed, gives facts and straight to the point! I hardly noticed any run-ons which is a positive thing! I think this is a well informative piece of work!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 19:07:09
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job!

    Good scientific paper! Even if i'm not that familiar with these types of papers, I have to admit that i liked yours! It was well written, connected to the theme and very well detailed! Good Job!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 18:52:14
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Wow!

    I really like your analysis! I believe it is well supported one, giving quotes and this way supporting every idea you stated!I am not so sure about the conclusion part! It may have been worked out [written] better! But that is my opinion!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 18:49:49
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Addition!

    I would like to add that the previous essay is supposed to analyze Alex Haley which is the author or better the co-author of the Book "The Autobiography of Malcolm X". Just in case you would think why i'm always mentioning ALex Haley and almost never the book itself!Hope i made myself clear!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 16:12:27
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Now we are talking!

    Okkkkk!!! Now this is what i was talking about when i read the other essay you submitted! I like this much better! I'm sorry i commented on you before i read this! ALl i have to say is that i think your essay is good, well written and supported!GOod job!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 16:09:29
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job!

    I don't have much to say about this one except that it is a paper based on facts, and while analysing them coming up with your own opinion. Given the fact that i wasn't much oblivious to what had happened, i would like to complement you on your paper since you made me understand the whole thing and also the decision you took as to asnwering that question!GOod job!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 16:03:55
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Ellen Foster

    I really like the beginning part of your essay which is the introduction paragraph! Your thesis is quite general but acceptable! Overall: very nice! But in details i would like to say that usually is nice to keep the same rhythm in the way you write your paragraphs! What i mean by this is that your paper includes usually short paragraphs except the second one which kind of deteriorates from the others. If you are capable of diving it in two paragraphs that would be more "nicely" put!You may do as you desire though!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 15:55:13
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Sorry!

    I'm sorry! I also forgot to mention something else! I noticed that your paper is not well written (not as in words) but as in structure! (The single or double space parts of it)I guess it's okey if that happened accidently while submitting it here; but i hope it is not the same when you submitted it to your teacher or whomever!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 15:51:34
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Straight forward

    I think your paper is just a straigh forward one, giving "statistics" or better facts! I didn't notice much opinion or analysis involved in it! I cannot criticise anything since i'm not that oblivious to what the assignment really is!
    • 03/01/2004
    • 15:49:25
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Lack of organization!

    I think you have a lot of information included in your paper. It is pretty detailed and very informative but the only thing i would say it lacks is the organization of the paragraphs! I do not think you paid much attention to the way you put your sentences together.The first paragraph for example might need a little help! I think it can give a better idea to the reader if you divide it into two paragraphs instead of one.ANyway, that is just my opinion. You may do it or you may not, but i would recommend for you to wait for other opinions and recommandations before you do something.
    • 03/01/2004
    • 15:47:14
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • NIce analysis!

    I like your analysis!It's profound, deep, and very detailed.You touched some good bases when it comes to the book and its aspects!I like the contrasting paragraphs such as the: "This book will become a piece of history..." - "However...." It's a nice way of giving the reader your opinion!Good job! I'll give you a nice happy face :)
    • 03/01/2004
    • 15:43:36
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good!

    I think your topic is quite controversial but you managed to prove the side you decided to take! I like how the quotes perfectly fit to the point you want to make! They support your opinion and even though it' s quite unbelievable i think you can still support that idea!Good job!
    • 01/01/2004
    • 20:14:30
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Themes

    I like the way you introduce us to your essay! We know you are going to be analyzing the themes. ANd i actually believe that the analysis is pretty profound and nice detailed!GOod job!
    • 25/12/2003
    • 23:57:34
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Bibliography

    I really liked your essays!You are backing it up by giving support from different sources!The only thing i am questioning is the bibliography!Doesn't really seem to have the right formal. HOpe i'm wrong thou!
    • 25/12/2003
    • 23:49:32
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • You are 100 % right

    I am really sorry to hear your story! But as you said, sometimes life is miserable and it challenges you butyou have to look at the brighter side of it to make yourself survive and surpass the difficult times. What i really thought was cruel was the fact that your boyfriend was more or less happy that you wouldn't go since the plans he made with the other girl would work out perfectly! But hey! Boys are always like that! I am not including everyone but usually the teenagers tend to be immature and we are stupid enough to let them hurt us! SO, what is good is that your health is not getting worse but better! ANd i totally agree with you that you have to check yourself every once in a while! Nothing comes before your sanitary! God bless us all!!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 23:23:01
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Introduction?

    I am not really understand something! Is this a creative writing written by you or you are just typing a story for the others to read? I think next time you should put a nice introduction to explain it! THanks
    • 22/12/2003
    • 23:04:19
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Lightening

    I was reading what the others had to say about your essay, and i have to admit that i completely agree with them! IT was a well written and presented essay and very informative! I really appreciate the brevity and conciseness you used! Keeps the reader interested and not bored or scared of boredom to read the whole thing!Good job!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 23:02:29
    • Score: 4 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    The essay or rather the article(seems more like it) is good! Now what i liked was that you give examples of different events happening, and you give the reader the opportunity to decide and take their own side; in other words form their own opinion!What i wasn't that much confortable with was the fact that you too many paragraphs that are pretty short! TO some it might be flexible but usually the more "perfect" in form the essay is, the better the impression you leave to the reader is!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 16:57:40
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Brief

    Well, your title controverses the real writing since you have three paragraphs! But do not worry about the content of the paper since it includes a simple, and rather brief i would say of Louis Slotin!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 16:53:22
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • I like it!

    First, about the essay:I liked how you touched on different bases to give an answer to your questionSecond, the diction you use is pretty self explanatory and there is no ambiguity surrounding the essay whatsoever!Nice!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 16:51:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Expand it a little

    It's an informative paragraph i would say! It would be great if you write something more on it, looking at other events that are related to it. I like the fact that the paper is not biased!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 16:49:53
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good!

    I liked what you wrote for the simple fact that it made sense even though the way you wrote (structure) was an awkward one and not too easy to comprehend! I think you did a good job trying to let the reader know what your message was even though it wasn't a real message after all!!
    • 22/12/2003
    • 16:08:52
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • More info

    Is this an essay? It doesn't seem like that to me! But still that doesn't take your credits away for writing a nice analysis even if short! It would be a good idea if you analyze it deeply and convey more information out of it!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 23:02:11
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    Good JOb!I liked the essay and it was pretty attractive and interesting!!Just expand a little more on your conclusion and entrance cuz it's really sharp! HOpe you understand what i mean!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 23:00:06
    • Score: 1 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Too many sources

    Is this a research paper or a typical essay that it is not very much used? Cause from what I see it doesn't really go by the standard structure and form an essay has! Plus, I think using quotes from different sources is really good, but when you overdo it, it gets kind of complexed and lengthened! Try to use more of your words and ideas instead! The reader doesn't want to read an essay that is offering them mostly other people's views! Hope you get what i'm trying to say!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 22:52:52
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice!

    I really like your essay; especially the brevity and also the perfect standard stucture you have kept!It's a really organized one and easy to read and comprehend!GOod job!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 22:49:30
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Analize!

    Just like kittenpause1 said, i see that you tend to summarize the plot rather than actually analyzing it! YOu have to know that there are some literary terms you might have found in the story! It would have been a very good analyze!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 11:48:03
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Preci28

    I think you should have expanded your paper a little more! Seems rather short! I do like though the fact that you go right to the point, and you are concise!Maybe your topic didn't have much to write about so yeah i give you a smile face!!!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 11:45:50
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • An aticle?

    Is this an article or something?Looks like it: small paragraphs, statistics all over the paper!GOod job!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 11:43:21
    • Score: 13 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
  • Great Essay!

    I usually don't say this, but I think it's worth it! You did a great job! The essay was right to the point, concise, argumentative, supported with facts and arguments! I liked the introduction; it makes the reader read more which should be one of the writer's achievements!Keep it up!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 01:30:51
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • The structure

    I liked your essay but the structure and the way you presented it is not that accurate! What i mean is that the first paragraph which you introduce your essay to the reader is too long and it should be more concise! And the last paragraph, if there is one seems to be kind of "Huh?" You are supposed to summarize your main points unless this is not an essay! DOn't be intimidated by my critizes cuz I tend to correct people, but your essay makes valuable points so just fix the structure and you should be fine!
    • 21/12/2003
    • 01:28:43
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Adding to my comment!

    I think it's a nice detailed research paper, as i would call it!What didn't seem right to me was the conclusion which is not supposed to introduce any new information to the reader!And also, i think you are overusing sources of information. It's true that a good sufficient number of sources is good to use, but when that number becames a big one like yours that will make the reader think that you mostly paraphrased the others rather than giving your own opinion!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 01:06:05
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Gay Marriage

    I agree with your point of view and the stand you take when it comes to this controversial topic!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 01:03:24
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Miracle!

    Overall: good!first paragraph i noticed that what you are implying is that you don't think miracles exist, but you might not want to imply that since it will look kind of biased! I also noticed that you tend to be a little wordy, and your quotes are way too long! You should paraphrase them cuz there is really no point, mentioning the whole thing! Plus, your second paragraph is only a long quote! You should keep in mind that quotes are used to support your argument but not really to make that argument!And like Coralee said, you had a few grammatical errors which were not detrimental but it would be better if they weren't so watch out for those things!Don't get me wrong now! I tend to criticize people because i want them to improve something that it's not where is supposed to be! If something is good, then it is! I don't think you would like me to say "Oh i really like where you put your commas or something similar"! I think you get my point! So yeah, good job truly!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:56:53
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Death Penalty!

    I'm not sure whether it's an essay or a research paper since it looks like it is lacking the proper format of an essay! I was always taught that the first paragraph which is the thesis and introduction basically was supposed to be short, concise and to the point, bulleting the points you are going to make! And the last paragraph, it's supposed to be a conclusion of your paper, summarizing and not including any new information!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:46:20
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Article or essay

    Seems like an essay, yet it doesn't!I don't know if you understand what i'm trying to say, but when you start reading it, it sort of gives you the idea of an article, but yet an article is supposed to be divided in multiple short paragraphs. I wonder how come the essay was based on that topic! How come it was such a significan one that made you write a 5 or more prolonged paragraphs on it! Oh well, at least it was worth reading it!Good job!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:43:31
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Macbeth!

    Ok! Now i liked the message you were trying to get through the essay but i didn't like the essay itself as much for the following reasons:You tend to be wordy and often repeat the same stuff either using the same words in the same paragraph (#1) or using other words which lead to the same meaning.Other than that I agree with the idea that Macbeth's tragic flaw is ambition and that that ambition is ignited by the witches' prophesies and also lady Macbeth!Now,you mentioned lady macbeth is evil and you gave her a negative sort of connotation, but did you ever think of the possibility that she might be a tragic hero too? I am analyzing Macbeth myself so i'm going through the same thing you are!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:26:38
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • To Quille!

    I try not to make that many grammar mistakes quille! I believe doing that makes the essay weakier! And about the spelling i'm pretty sure it's spelled Laius since I got it from the book and i don't usually like to make errors! I'm patient in that sense!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:10:50
    • Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • She is ALbanian!

    I am Albanian and I have lived there for 15 years! I have to tell you that Mother Teresa was Albanian and she was born in Shkoder, ALbania not in Yugoslavia! She stayed in albania till' she was 18 then she went to italy to stay in church and start her "career" as a nun!! Take my word for it! I did a research paper and i know a lot about her since she is from my country! We have monuments and statues of her in Albania!
    • 20/12/2003
    • 00:04:27
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job!

    I wrote a similar paper on this topic but yours is much more detailed since it;s an essay and mine is just an article for the school paper! I think you did an amazing job touching all bases regarding religion!It's very informative and yeah, controversial so i think you really succeeded in clearing out your points and letting the reader know what your perspective was!Good job!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 23:59:57
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • You are wrong expertmaster!

    I don't think he got anything from you ExpertMaster! Just because your ideas seem to reflect on each other does not necessarily mean that you were the one who came up with it and he just followed you!See, everybody has it's own opinion but when you are talking about the same thing, chances are you might agree and present your opinion the same way!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 23:43:34
    • Score: 2 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Please explain your rating!

    I would really like to know why peope rate my work the way they do! It would be beneficial and salutary to my future writing since I want to improve and the more advice and corrections i receive, the better for me! Plus, I do the same for the others! Please, if you have time, dedicate 2 minutes of it to me! I would appreciate it!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 17:23:39
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Not an organized essay

    I don't think you have fully explained what kind of crime it is since in each paragraph you keep adding something that a couple of times was a little off! The last sentence of your essay also is a new information which first is not supposed to be placed there, and second needs to be expanded!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 17:04:29
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Go back to your thesis!

    You should go back to your thesis anytime you present an argument! This is the only way you are goint to support what your statement was! And the conclusion does not refer to the thesis at all! Don't present new information by the time you reached the end of your essay!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:51:40
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Be concise

    Your "essay" doesn't seem to have the right form of an essay and I believe it lacks structure. You have very long paragraphs which make the reader lose his/her interest and i don't think you want that to happen. The more concise the better!!!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:31:45
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinionated

    YOur first paragraph should describe what abortion really is, and not your point of view! You have to keep in mind that you are leaving a choice to the reader to take whichever side he/she wants! Your duty is to present all the arguments available why people are against or pro it! Do not be biased!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:28:07
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Not an essay

    I wouldn't really call it an essay since in an essay you don't use first tense but always third tense! And of course it is not supposed to be treated like a presentation where you are presenting the issue you want to talk about! An essay doesn't need an entrance "I'm going to be talking about...". It just needs a thesis to list your arguments.
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:26:00
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Conclusion

    Good essay but I noticed that in your last paragraph you have introduced the reader to new information which is not good when writing an essay! You are supposed to summarize the main points you made before so you will leave the reader with a good understanding of what you presented them!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:22:59
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Thesis!

    Your essay is kind of long and prolonged, and the introduction i think should be a little more specific to let the reader know what are you going to talk about! Kind of like a thesis, which is a sentence outlining the points you are going to make in the essay!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 16:20:39
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Wow

    Whether this story is true or not i can only say that it was amazingly written and it made me almost feel what the writer has felt when the story occurred!!! A lot of emotions that made tears roll down my cheeks! I really hope it didn't happen for real!!!
    • 19/12/2003
    • 03:06:37
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • More like an article!

    I would consider it an article rather than an essay! it possesses nothing similar to what an essay consists of!It's more of a bulleted plan of what graduates should do after high school!It's more of a social success plan!
    • 18/12/2003
    • 01:01:57
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Watch the grammar!

    The grammar kind of falls apart at times! Even at your first sentence i believe!You are supposed to say that you are volunteering or you have been volunteering for a couple of hours at your high school!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:59:26
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Cite?

    You used quotatation marks at your first sentence ".." but you didn't cite it!Was that a reference to anything or you expected the reader to know what you were talking about when you mentioned it?
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:57:40
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Don't cite when writing a thesis!

    It is better not to cite anything on your thesis since you want to show and make clear what your points are, and not what or how the others (sources) support your ideas! You might save them for your arguments! IT would make more sense!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:55:29
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • You need a thesis!

    I don't really like the introduction of your essay! You started off saying you don't disagree! It would have sounded better if you first introduced the reader to what you were about to say, and point out all the arguments you were going to make. In other words, you need a better thesis or better, a thesis which your essay lacks!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:53:16
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Watch the first paragraph!

    Your first paragraph is a little prolonged! You should be more concise and keep in mind that your thesis is only a sentence! And it's a paragraph itself!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:50:37
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • A lot of sources!

    i like your essay in overall, but you are using way too many sources which makes the essay strong but doesn't reveal what you as an author really did, except finding information and linking them together!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:49:03
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • The format of your paper is not right!

    The biography is good, but the format of it (the way you wrote or better the way it appear here) is kind of ambiguous and confusing at times!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:47:15
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Racism or slavery first?

    YOu should do some research on whether the slavery or racism came first??It would be interesting if you would know how to connect it to this essay!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 22:44:52
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • A little awkward!

    I am not really getting this?This is part of a book or something that you just typed? Or is it a story written by you? Cuz either way it doesn't make much sense! YOu say chapter 1 and 2 so it has to pertain to something but then what is the point of just typing it and submitting it?
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:58:38
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Find a better introduction (without errors please)

    I would prefer a better entrance to your essay! The more interesting and tantalizing the thesis is the more success you will have making the reader read it!And yeah, it is pretty negative to represent yourself with a misspelled word in your first sentence or introduction!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:53:11
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Refer to your thesis in each paragraph!

    I liked your essay! But as always, I tend to point out the weaknesses of it.HOpe you don't mind!First, your thesis should be a paragraph itself. As I read through i noticed that you didn't use the right tense (plural,single). ANother thing is that you keep giving examples of what teenagers do, and i comprehend your arguments but you should refer and go back to your thesis everytime you make a statement or support it with an argument. That way your essay does not become ambiguous!As i said before, your essay is good and the theme is quite controversal and difficult to explore so, good job!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:49:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Bad usage of grammar and punctuation

    I get the message you are trying to reveal through your persuasive essay!I have to say that your grammar is kind of going to the wrong direction. I see shifts from plural to single tenses constantly, or your apostrophes were not used correctly. Not to mention the commas that were either completely off or hardly even used!You might want to consider those things to enhance the meaning of your essay in a more lucid way!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:41:53
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Either rhyme it or don't!

    I like the syntax, and the theme you are enhancing but the fact that sometimes it rhymes and sometimes it doesn't kind of disturbes me since it is amorphous and changes its form constantly!Try to be more focused on one thing!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:35:28
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Watch the punctuation!

    The essay in general is good, just watch how you use your apostrophes and commas!Also, "This is America, the free" is kind of vague so you might want to clear that out for the reader!
    • 17/12/2003
    • 00:30:48
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Kind of self-centered!

    I like your arguments, but first place doesn't look like a regular essay to me unless it is a persuasive one or descriptive one! I trully understand why you choose to stay with an older man and you support it with reasons but i do not think that those reasons are general enough for the others to consider! You say you feel smart and sexy but that doesn't necessarily mean that another one would feel that way too! You should have also given some bad consenquences also so you can let the reader decide why should they pick what and not TELL them to do that!Hope you understand...
    • 16/12/2003
    • 22:48:21
    • Score: 3 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Glad you mentioned it was funny!

    I liked the way you wrote it and it was funny! The message delievered was not such a positive one but as i mentioned before, I'm glad you classify it as a "funny" essay which is not supposed to be taken seriously! The reason i am making it stand out is because there are a lot of people who might get confused or influenced!
    • 10/12/2003
    • 03:18:01
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Another conflict!

    YOur last paragraph which is also the conclusion, i would add another conflict to your list which is man vs. the society!!Since the audience is significant it represents society and the different dialogues deliver different messages to it!
    • 10/12/2003
    • 02:48:38
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Try not to be ambiguous!

    the essay was good but here and there it became kind of ambiguous due to the lack of proper english grammar form!!Try not to shift from plural to single nouns especially within a sentence!For example:A human beings personality derives from their emotions even if an individual tries to suppress their emotional feelings.What you goal should be is to have a clear, straight to the point and concise essay which will be easy for the others to comprehend! Well, the previous sentence was not as clear as you would like it to be! You have to read it twice since you say A human being\'s personality and then you say THEIR emotions! do you notice where your mistake is?Hope you will keep that in mind in the future!
    • 10/12/2003
    • 02:40:00
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice analysis!

    I like the profound analysis you did and the relevance of the play connecting it to the American Dream! It made sense since you supported it with facts and ideas that went along with the actions!I have to tell you though that you need to add some commas, and i noticed that several times, you used affect rather than effect! It's not a big error but why not make it as perfect as you can?!Good job!
    • 10/12/2003
    • 02:23:47
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • No, they should not!!!!

    I think they should not! No matter how powerful a country you are, you have no rights to take control over it, command it, direct it the way you "think it's better" for them to be, change them, or transform them into a country you want them to be! Each country has its own ideas, beliefs, government, political point of view, and if they need help we can offer it to them but not violently!!I think USA is too selfish to think it is doing the right thing! Iraq needs to be left to resolve its own problems following its own laws!
    • 09/12/2003
    • 22:23:07
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • WOW

    Wow!! What a nice metaphorical essay you have written!I like the diction and the theme is well clarified by supporting it here and there with different kind of moods and dances!The syntax is kind of obscurred but you can get a catch of it as you read through!What i like is that you can actually make the reader feel what you are writing!And that's what the goal of the writer should be so in other words, GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! A TOTAL WOW!!!and trust me, i don't usually say wow to everybody! I tend to be a little meticulous on stuff i don't find right even if they might not have such a significance as to be criticized! But that's me! GOod job again and hope to hear soon from you!
    • 09/12/2003
    • 03:53:53
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Are you sure you didn't plagiarize?

    hi! I did a research paper on gay marriage also and i from some researches i did, i found the same exact information you put on your paper for marriage and polygamy with the same exact words so that is why i'm sensing plagiarism, but i'm not going to report you! Don't worry!Unless you think i'm making it up, then i can prove it to you!
    • 09/12/2003
    • 02:58:42
    • Score: 9 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • Don't overly use the words!!!

    I noticed that you used HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT a lot of times, sometimes even in two sentences. Like in the second paragraph i believed u said Human resource management... and then the next sentence started off the same way: human resource management..Why don\'t u use IT or something else other than that so it won\'t sound hackeneyed or overly used!This is actually a very interesting essay!
    • 09/12/2003
    • 02:17:27
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Overall : good but a few grammatical errors

    the first sentence i think you should add the word and. Let me be clearer showing you the right way of doing it!This article talks about health care information that is inappropriately or incorrectly communicated (which)can result in misuse of that information and could cause patient harm.I know it might not be of a great significance but when you say the client/nurse relationship, it is kind of ambiguous to understand it so it would be clearer if you say client-nurse relationship!that's basically it! Everything else is great! Good job!
    • 09/12/2003
    • 02:12:45
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Quotes!

    It would have been even better and more realistic if you have quoted somebody who has cancer and what the person feels or what message does he/she want to give to the others!!But u did a great job anywyas!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 23:26:41
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Just a little error!

    Good essay, but try not to repeat the same facts again for example when you said John Locke in the first paragraph he was a philosopher of the 17 century and then again, paragraph nr. 3 u said John Locke, a philosopher of the 17 century!You don't want it to become hackeneyed!Hope it helped a little...
    • 08/12/2003
    • 20:49:29
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay!!

    It includes basically everything a student researching for it, can find!What i think you need to do though, is kind of like summorising what you mainly mentioned in the previous paragraphs! This of couse is applicable if your writing is an essay, but if it is just a plain, argumentative paper than it is perfectly written!Good Job!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 20:44:38
    • Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Effort

    I'm studying Howard Zinn's "A people's history of the united states' and i do agree with you for what you have mentioned in your essay. However, the book is not only about the first 3 chapters or Columbus. It actually goes deeply explaining a lot of events such as the revolution, civil war etc!Another weak point of your essay is that you have used way too many quotes and the ones you have used are too long, and make the reader lose his interest. Next time you are confronting with long quotes, paraphrase them!Overall comment: it's a nice essay which needs to be working on a little but the effort is good! HOpe you don't get mad at me!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 19:10:50
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • A biography would be helpful

    i think your essay makes valuable points, but it would be really more credilous if you would have included your biography in the paper!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 17:02:37
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice but watch the punctuation format!

    Good job, and i really like the poem, but what would give it a more significant and more oblivious meaning would be the right use of the punctuation rules so the reader can follow and interpret the words you have written the right way!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 16:50:45
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice comparison!

    I know the title of this comment might sound a little peculiar, but i think you did a good comparison between the sufferings that the Americans experienced during the September 11 of 2001 but the same suffering is caused by us, the Americans to the different countries.It's true that what comes around, goes around! We should not be selfish thinking only about the lives of our citizens, but let that tragedy become a lesson to us so we won't hurt the other people the way the others hurt us! No revenge is necessary, when this revenge will not lead to positive results!Good job...
    • 08/12/2003
    • 16:49:06
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Good effort and it's worth it!

    I am pretty sure your essay will be of a great help to many students who are constantly searching for new places of jobs! Your description of the letters was well explained and detailed!Good job and that's all i can say!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 04:00:05
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • A profoundly detailed biography!!!

    First of all, congratulations on your will and persistency to type your work(which i believe you are really proud of).I am pretty sure that other people like me appreciate your commitment to this website and your desire to earn points! Secondly, the essay as i would like to refer to it, is nicely detailed with a lot of information provided but a couple of times, you have included bit of information which to me were not that relevant! Since people tend to read essays which are consice and briefly written, i would suggest you next time to try to fold and wrap up your facts and ideas into a shorter biography which will be much more interesting and effective!Hope you don't take this the wrong way!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 03:57:31
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice but a little verbose!

    the more gregarious and wordy you are when you write an essay, the more ambiguous and insipid your essay becomes which might result in the loss of people's interest. Therefore, it will not be salutary to you as the author of that essay!!!Keep that in mind, but it is still a nice and well organized paper which had probably been a lot of help to some students who might have needed that information!Good job and work on your weaknesses!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 03:47:03
    • Score: 22 out of 25 people found this comment useful.