Imagine If You're An Archeaologist In The Distant Future And You've Just Discovered Santa!

Essay by PaperNerd ContributorCollege, Undergraduate July 2001

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Upon the dig carried out on the site of "Sid Knee", on the 16th day after the 2nd full moon, we have made a very important discovery about the religious side of this amazing ancient civilization.

On the location, buried amongst common living quarters, a small statue of a distorted, mutated creature in the shape of a human, dressed in red and presumably male was found. The figure of this statue was extremely different from all the other pictures of the ancient people that we have found, our other finds of people demonstrated that they were all thin, had hairless faces, with shiny coats of hair and smooth textured, plastic like skin, in contrast, this creature was burly, robust, wrinkly, and suspected to be pregnant. We have come to believe that this was a figurine representing one of the ancients' primitive pagan Gods, perhaps representing fertility, thus explaining the big belly.

The statue, found in several dwelling areas, is made of a hard, yet bendable substance. Every dwelling must have used it as an amulet to bring to the inhabitants good fortune. The figurines were shrined all in various places but the most popular place to hang this amulet was on a strange, prickly, green, stand, with other offerings hanging nearby as well.

After a few more days of digging, we have come to the conclusion that the identity of this religious figure was known to the Ancients as Satan. We know this because we have found, with the help of the "alfabet" and the many flat bundles of square leaflets they were written on, that a God by the name of Satan existed. This Satan was very much associated with the colour red and lived in a hot, burning place towards the south, we presume below the equator, in a city called Hell. We then established that this figurine and Satan must be the same character. This would explain the figurine's attire of red, his tall boots- to protect his feet against the singeing ground. The pointy cap- for covering the horns, the beard is exaggerated form of the goatee. We later found a piece old document which confirmed our theory. It was also written in "alfabet" and it read: "Dear Susie, with love from Santa." There was the picture of the figurine printed on the cover. Since we have come to know that the ancient people had many dialects, all very similar to each other, with some words varying slightly by the spelling. The document tells us that the figurine is called Santa. The words Santa and Satan are extremely similar, so therefore, the word Santa means Satan in another dialect. In context with the other words, "Dear Susie, love from Santa", is probably a well known proverb of the society, with "˜dear' meaning something that is precious or valuable, "Susie", we are unsure of but we think it means "achievement" so the document actually translates: "The most valuable achievement, is the love from Satan", except written more poetically.

This is a very exciting discovery. Now we know that the Ancients must have been very religious, and were devout worshippers of Satan. Future arrangements have been made to try to locate and dig this site called hell.