I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay. I'll definitely rate it VERY GOOD. I like the technique you used with your language and style of writing. When you say 'just before losing consciousness' in th last sentence, does this mean that his mother died? or did she just become unconscious? I'm leaning toward the first option even though it wasn't exactly clear. This is still an extremely good story and the first one that i have rated 5 stars!Great job!
- 06/05/2007
- 03:04:47
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I live in Australia, and in all our primary and secondary schools we have a school dress code. You've addressed a lot of the concepts that our teachers restrict us to when we have free dress days. Well done.
- 28/04/2007
- 05:51:09
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From a Christian's point of view, and from my experience in bible reading, much of the bible stories were written in the old testament. Your frequent use of the word 'thus' and 'did' before every verb didn't really work for me. I really liked the ending, matching the ending of psalm 23. Good effort!
- 27/04/2007
- 07:03:09
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Your sentence structure could use a little work - try not to always start sentences the same way 'he felt exhausted', 'he felt curious', 'he wondered', 'he wished'. You created fantastic descriptions of the sensation of floating in and out of reality. Nice work.
- 27/04/2007
- 06:55:39
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.