The love of my life

Essay by hpbrasileirahp December 2006

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Even I didn't recognize myself. I don't know why I go

through those periods of time... but every once in a while

I do. I haven't now in a while though... I haven't felt

sexually deviant or angry. I have been a bit distant, and

somewhat depressed, but by now I am used to that. I needed

to write today, because... yet AGAIN, I am thinking about

my ex. It has been almost eight years since I have seen

him, and in the time since I have met, dated, & married my

husband; but I still can't get HIM out of my head.

Does anyone out there know if there is such a thing as

true love? I mean from the day I met Jim, I have never

gone a day without loving him. Oh, I love my husband also,

butthe feeling is still different. With Jim, the feelings

are somehow deeper, more physically charged.

When Jim went

away to college, and announced that he wanted to go to

college a "free man," my heart sunk... and I questioned my

whole reality. I don't think a day goes by that I don't

wonder how it could be that I could love someone so much,

and them not feel the same for me. What kind of cruel and

sick cosmic joke is that?!?

For the longest time, I believed my feelings would fade...

that my love for him was nothing more than a teenage kind

of love. We had dated all through high-school, and he no

doubt was my first love... but I guess, I banked on the

hope that my heart would eventually let him go. It hasn't,

though. I mean, sure... I don't cry every day any more,

and live a decently productive life, but I have done it...